all's fair in love and sorcery
by ZeroSoul
Summary: Sadira is a sorceress. Mozenrath is a sorcerer. Possible romance between the two? Probably...if they don't KILL each other first. chapter 15 is up
1. the pendant of viper calling

_Hey guys, guess what time it is! Yes, it's time for ZeroSoul to write fanfiction because she's on summer break and her mind is filled with wonder! For a little change, I'm doing a romantic comedy/action adventure. Love! Action! Nudity! Um…more nudity! All this and more! Welcome to the world of slightly insanity induced fanfiction! – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; prologue: "the pendant of viper calling" **

Goat's blood? Check. Ram horns? Check. Hemlock? Check. Pendant of Viper Calling? …uh…

After several minuets of frantic searching, the sorceress soon discovered that she lacked not only a pendant, a viper, but the Pendant of Viper Calling all together. Cursing and stamping her feet angrily, Sadira flung the (already battered from past tantrums) spell book across the room and huffed as it slammed into the stone wall.

"How in all of the Nine Hells am I supposed to be a sorceress if I don't have what I fucking need?" Sadira yelled at the top of her lungs.

This wasn't the first time it had happened, but the sixth and she was getting pretty irritated by now. Sadira then calmed down a little and decided to act mature (which was a rarity for her) and think about how she was going to get through another fine mess she had made. She sat on the cobblestone floor of the room and thought deeply as a spider crept around her feet.

'_I can't perform the Working of Decay spell without the Pendant of Viper Calling,' _Sadira thought, _'Without that Pendant, everything else is useless,' _

Sadira had purchased everything from the merchants that came around the area periodically. They were gone now and wouldn't be back until next winter. It would be dangerous to purchase magical items at a regular market considering all that damnable traitors and backstabbers present and it would be foolish to even borrowing something from another sorcerer (Sadira had learned these lessons the hard way).

But by the Seven Deserts she needed that item!

"Spell Book, come!" Sadira said, extending her hand to the book.

The spell book jerked itself and flung into Sadira's open hand. It was an ancient book, known as The Tomes of Onenutar, bound in the ancient flesh of a none-too-smart sorcerer who killed and skinned and the pages were written in goat's blood and made of stitched deadly nightshade leaves.

In short – it was _very_ rare and _very_ expensive. (Sadira had managed to steal it from an illiterate merchant who didn't realize the book's worth)

Sadira flipped through the book and came to a chapter titled "Magical Items and You" and found The Pendant of Viper Calling under "Dark Magical Items and You". There were several listing of several magical items, but Sadira found it under Devil's Tiara and above Fine Caster's Amulet. Written here was:

_The Pendant of Viper Calling is a powerful dark magick item made t__o summon up the spirit of the snake beast from the ninth pit of hell. The Pendant of Viper Calling can only be found in the Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls The Pendant of Viper Calling call be used for several spells, such as __"The Working of Decay", and "Evocation of Tombs",._

Good news: The Pendant of Viper Calling could be found! Bad news: it's in the Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls, which means you have a very good chance of going in and dying a horrible, gruesome, death! Isn't life funny?

Sadira had probably a good enough mind to just forget the whole thing and try something a little bit simpler than The Working of Decay spell.

'_But by the Blood Of Violusae, I need that spell!' _Sadira's mind reminded her.

* * *

Xerxes hovered nearby his master as he poured the contents of the glass bottle (a reddish white powdery substance) alone the stone floor into a triangle shape. Xerxes' tiny brain had little space for understanding the necessity of such an action to Mozenrath. 

"What Mozenrath doing?" Xerxes asked.

"Quiet, Xerxes! Can't you see I'm working right now?" Mozenrath snapped. Xerxes flinched, but still looking curious. Mozenrath then sighed, "Once again, Xerxes, I am willing to explain this to your tiny mind but if you ask me one more time I will be forced to make your eyes recede into the back of your skull. Do you understand?"

Xerxes nodded.

"I need more mamluks," answered Mozenrath, "and the only way to do that is to raise up the recently buried by using the Evocation of Tombs spell,"

Mozenrath finished making the triangle of ground up anaconda and then made the circle of goat's blood around it. Then he stood outside of the circle and began to use all of the enchantments and magical wordings from his spell book:

"By The Grimoires Of All-powerful Tiaegri, I Evoke The Sphere of Sop-hiu and The Pyramid of Unkillable Qursuman, I Summon thee Viper of the Ninth Hell!"

Thunder boomed.

Lightning crackle.

Nothing happened inside of the room.

An awkward silence filled the room. Xerxes blinked at the still circle and triangle on the floor and Mozenrath's eyes narrowed. After a few minuets of waiting, Mozenrath rechecked the spell book and saw what was the problem on page 5309:

_THE EVOCATION OF TOMBS _

_Things needed: Goat's Blood, Powder of Anaconda _

_Words needed: _

_'By The Grimoires Of All-powerful Tiaegri, I Evoke The Sphere of Sop-hiu and_

_The Pyramid of Unkillable Qursuman, I Summon thee Viper of the Ninth Hell!'_

Mozenraththen saw some tiny print at the bottom of the page.Mozenrath had to squint to read it:

_NOTE: You dorealize that you need the Pendant of Viper Calling right? __This is an advanced spell book for advanced sorcerers and we shouldn't have__to hold your and tell you every little detail, now do we? You're a big sorcerer now,__it's time to have a little responsibility._

"I hate sarcastic books," Mozenrath growled as he gripped the spell book's spine, threatening to break it.

Unfortunately, Mozenrath hadn't seen the asterisk or the small print and had gone ahead with getting the other items. Now he had several options: (1) skip the spell, (2) blame Xerxes, (3) blast things with magic, and (4) go get the Pendant of Viper Calling.

Options two and three were tempting but it was decided that option four would be the best considering how he needed more mamluks around.

Mozenrath searched through the "Dark Items and Where to Find Them" section of the spell book and found this little paragraph:

_The Pendant of Viper Calling:_

_The Pendant of Viper Calling is a very powerful little item that summons __the Great Serpent from the pits of the Ninth Hell to you! The Pendant is held in__the scenic desert in the lovely Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls! Isn't that just exciting?__Now, just watch out for Vlni, or he just might chomp on you_!

"Stupid over enthusiastic book…" Mozenrath growled as he dropped the spell book.

On one hand, he needed more mamluks. On the other hand…Vlni, Eater of Souls, was someone Mozenrath would not care to meet (or dine with). And on the other other hand, a powerful sorcerer like him could certainly walk in the pyramid and walk back out alive and with Vlni's head on a platter.

"Xerxes, go find my map," Mozenrath said to her servant.

* * *

_I prefer doing prologues because it's just the start off and you don't have to buckle down and write too much at once. It's just the first part anyways, right?– ZeroSoul_


	2. the pyramid of vlni, eater of souls

_I want to see Batman Begins, Howl's Moving Castle, War of the Worlds, Willy Wonka, Corpse Bride, and Fanstatic Four. I've been begging to see them so far (since I can't legally drive). On the good news: I bought Escaflowne for DVD and it was cheap! – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter one: "the pyramid of vlni, eater of souls"**

It has been proven by the modern day science (or more like medieval age alchemy as most already advanced civilizations would name it) that you are in fact dumber in love. A good example to prove this thesis would be Sadira, the current sorceress of Land of the Seven Fair Dragons (which, ironically, no longer contained the seven fair dragons since they became bankrupt and moved away).

Sadira had fallen in love with Aladdin and had competed time after time to win his affection with his girlfriend, Princess Jasmine of Agrabah. Of course, each attempt failed miserably and blew up in Sadira's face.

So, Sadira had decided to give up on Aladdin – once and for all. Who needed a street rat when she could become _the most powerful sorceress in all of the Seven Deserts?_ (She laughed evilly at this point)

Two years crawled by – Sadira purchased the empty Land of the Seven Fair Dragons and paved over most of the forest paradise to make her stone castle (which, in comparison to most castles – was very small). She practiced spells – blew up one of the rooms in her castle – cleaned up and practiced again – only to cause a fire – and then tried and tried again (her determination was immense and she knew nothing of the word "quit"…or at the moment she didn't).

Now, Sadira had to prove her magic by performing one of the most difficult spells she could find – The Working of Decay.

The Working of Decay was a very nasty spell which caused a plague that caused the skin to rot on anyone who was touched by the spirit viper that went around wherever it was sent. Sadira had been thinking about where to send the disease (perhaps she would take the rest of the forest in her land and make a parking lot out of it?).

However, the first order of business was to go to the Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls.

"By The Marvelous Woods Of Pariaron, I Evoke The Energy Of Krymarar, I summon The Raven!" Sadira chanted.

A pillar of gray light shot up from the center of the room. The light faded away and left in place a gigantic raven with black feathers and blood red eyes. It stared at Sadira, towering over her and flapped its wings – sending gusts of air everywhere in the room.

"By The Ten Monoliths Of Wochelip, cut that out!" Sadira yelled at The Raven.

The Raven ceased it's flapping and walked over to Sadira. It put its giant eye at level with her face and blinked at her, _"Dost thou dare stoppeth the winged beast of night, lest be the raven? Surely thou dost not wish for me to peck thine eyes out?" _

Sadira blinked. She then threw a fit, "Oh, damn it all! I forgot that you speak that strange ye olde language! I can barely understand that!"

"_Let it be know that I am not wicked in the heart and shall take you along my wings and upon the gay winds," _said the Raven.

"You're going to have to do though," Sadira sighed as she got onto the Raven's back.

"_Where shalt I fly, young maiden?" _the Raven asked.

"Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls – and step on it!" Sadira said.

"_Away I fly!" _the Raven said.

The Raven flapped its wings and then took off with a powerful thrust through the window. Sadira screeched as they crashed through the glass. She looked down at the broken window from the sky as the Raven flew.

"I hope my insurance covers that…" Sadira said.

* * *

Sorcerers, sorceress, soothsayers, witches, warlocks, magicians,and other magic users are often known for being (1) impatient and (2) throwing big hissy fits when things go wrong.

"IDIOT!"

Mozenrath was having one of those big hissy fits.

A steam of curses followed this outburst as Mozenrath. He had found the map, he had found the Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls, he had also gotten to ride in a carriage since he didn't want to stuck out in the extreme heat of the sun, the carriage was pulled by Mamluks so all he had to do was sit in and then…

"YOU UNDEAD BLATHERING IDIOTS! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO MAIM YOU ALL AND SEND YOU INTO THE BOWELS OF THE NINTH LEVEL OF HELL WHERE THREE HEADED DOGS WILL FEAST ON YOUR INNARDS AND SLIVERS OF SOULS WILL BE CUT TO FEED DEMONS–"

…and so on.

The origin of these very common tantrums is well unknown to the magic users themselves. However, the every day folk know the reason why the fits occur, and is thus stated: "Those magick users think they're all that and they control every damn thing but they don't and when things fall apart and they think they were in control, they throw tantrums just like babes".

Of course the magic users, being the smug bunch they have always been, denied such a reason and then threw a big tantrum when the reason given was proven.

Mozenrath, after cursing and yelling and turning two of the Mamluks into a fine ashen dust – calmed down and took several deep breaths and tried to think his way through this situation. He was Mozenrath after all – Lord of the Black Sand, sexiest sorcerer alive, and the most powerful as well.

"Let's see – I'm stuck in the desert with a flying eel and some dead guys for company because one of them ran the carriage over a jagged rock and broke a wheel," Mozenrath said to himself, thinking out loud, "What to do…what to do…what to…"

Within a matter of minuets, he came up with an idea. Mozenrath went outside of the carriage and traced a triangle within a circle and thus chanted as he stepped away from the circle-triangle.

"By The Tome Of Deunis, I Invoke The One-hundred Canyons Of Til-yit, and Summon the Winged Serpent of Norein!" Mozenrath chanted.

The triangle and circle glowed and then a giant serpent with bat wings appeared.

"_I am darkness…I am the night…I am…THE WINGED SERPENT OF NOREIN!" _

Mozenrath blinked.

"You do realize it's daytime?" Mozenrath said, "And that you're _a foot tall_?"

The Winged Serpent of Norein looked up at Mozenrath. Yes, it was a serpent, yes it was winged – but it was small enough for Mozenrath to crush under his foot! The Winged Serpent of Norein looked up at Mozenrath with big pleading eyes.

Mozenrath glared at the Winged Serpent of Norein, "You're not the real Winged Serpent,"

"_Yes I am!" _protested the Winged Serpent of Norein.

'_It has a CHILD'S voice!' _Mozenrath thought. Mozenrath rubbed his temples in aggravation, "No, you're not. The Winged Serpent of Norein is a 50 feet tall beast that breathes fire and has blood red slanted serpent eyes. You, my friend, are 12 inches high, big amber eyes, and you're a _child!_"

The Winged Serpent of Norein looked down and sniffled as it began to cry. Mozenrath grumbled as it spoke, _"I'm sorry, mister. I was playing with my Dad's summoning circle and then you summoned me and I tried to pretend I was him but you found out...and…and…" _

The (diminutive) Winged Serpent of Norein then to began to cry. Mozenrath grumbled – there were several things he hated. At the top of his list was: (1) Aladdin, (2) Destane, (3) children, (4) the curious emotion known as 'love', and (5) musicals.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?" Mozenrath yelled at The Winged Serpent of Norein. The Winged Serpent of Norein sniffled and looked at him. Mozenrath tapped his foot, "So, you're not the Winged Serpent of Norein – you're his son?"

"Yes. My name is Billy, mister," said The Winged Serpent of Norein. 

"Well, Billy, I just wasted a good portion of my magic summoning you and I won't recharge for a while," said Mozenrath.

"_Gee whiz, mister, I'm sorry!" _Billy said.

"Not as sorry as _you're_ going to be, Billy…" Mozenrath said, "Xerxes, come here for a minuet…"

Two bounty hunters had been travelling through the desert and were going to reach Agrabah so that they could capture their bounty – a well-known criminal who had slipped through their grasp before. While travelling on camel, one of them swore they saw a flying eel and a tiny winged serpent hooked up and pulling a limping carriage across the desert as some strange undead zombie things pushed it in the back.

The other bounty hunter commented by saying that the other had been in the sun too long.

* * *

The Pyramid of Vlni, Eater of Souls, was a large pyramid (obviously) made entirely out of brick and was situation right in the center of the desert. Sadira flew overhead of it and gazed at the gigantic pyramid. The Raven landed on the eastern side of the pyramid and Sadira got off of it.

Unknown to Sadira, Mozenrath arrived on the western side of the pyramid along with an exhausted Xerxes and Billy.

Sadira went through the eastern entrance to the pyramid and Mozenrath went into the western entrance.

* * *

_I like doing short chapters. I don't have to kill my brain in thinking. – ZeroSoul_


	3. signs

_If you read this chapter, you may or may not be able to tell I like Monty Python. Also, thank you for the reviews. Reviews make ZeroSoul go "YAY!" – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter two: "signs"**

The inside of the pyramid turned out to be very interesting. On the east side (where Sadira was) there was a long dark tunnel containing spikes sticking up the ground and from the ceiling (which would probably be best described by modern day terms as "stalactites" and "stalagmites" but this was before modern day, hence the use of magic). On the western side (where Mozenrath was) there was a single sign up above a dark entranceway:

BEWARE OF INSULTING DRAGON

"…Beware of Insulting Dragon?" Mozenrath said, reading the above sign.

There was a deep growling roar. The dark entranceway suddenly crumbled and Mozenrath jumped back and away from the debris, shielding himself with his cloak. A huge green scaled dragon pushed itself through the entranceway and snarled – breathing fire and brimstone at Mozenrath.

The dragon spoke in a voice that sounded like thunder booming: "I see the village idiot was stupid enough to leave town,"

"Ah…you must be the Insulting Dragon," Mozenrath said.

"And you're an irresponsible self-loving loser," the Insulting Dragon answered.

"Since all you seem to be able to do is insult, and going to be mature and ignore you," Mozenrath answered.

"You sir, are a crazy armchair philosophizing emaciated self absorbed no good fool," the Insulting Dragon said, stepping in front of Mozenrath, "You're going to have to get through me first, you crud infested crazy vermin ridden selfish mor–"

At this point, Mozenrath let loose a fireball in the Insulting Dragon's face, blinding it and therefore shutting it up.

* * *

Sadira looked at all the sharp pointed spikes sticking from the ground a ceiling. _'This is going to be easy,' _Sadira thought. She quickly casted a flying spell and flew between the two layers of spikes (even though she did rip her dress a little). At the end of the tunnel was a sign. Sadira stared up at the sign, which read:

BEWARE OF MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS

"Multiple dimensions…?" Sadira said, thinking out loud. She walked towards a door and pushed it open to find a room filled with stairs.

However, these were not ordinary stairs. Some stairs were leading up, down, left, right, sideways, on the ceiling, off the ceiling, on the wall, off the wall, and so on. There seemed to be an infinite amount of stairs in the room.

"Well, this is _obviously_," Sadira said, "some sort of mind game in which I have to find the correct door. So–"

Sadira was normally one to finish her sentence, but unfortunately, she took a misstep forward and tumbled down the stairs. Like a human Slinky, Sadira went down the stairs, then up the stairs, then left, right, sideways, on the ceiling, off the ceiling, on the wall, off the wall, and continuously until she finally came to a stop at a closed door. Sadira got off the floor, staggering around – dizzy from falling in all sorts of directions but there was probably significant brain damage as well.

"Oh…a door…" Sadira said, stumbling around as she opened the door.

The door led to a long passageway on a small incline leading upwards. Sadira was still feeling a little light headed, but she managed to get her head back in gear as soon as she started walking a little. At the end of the hallway there were a doorway, with a sign above it.

BEWARE OF DISNEY MOVIE CROSSOVERS

Sadira blinked after she read the sign, "What moron makes multichambered pyramid with caution signs? And what's this 'a disney movie' it's talking about?"

* * *

So far, Mozenrath had found many signs and stumbled into many rooms – 'beware of gray blobs' (the gray was carnivorous and had many teeth), 'beware of dog' (the dog was large and had three heads), 'beware of cat' (the cat was a very large lion), and after some very bad mishaps with these rooms and their signs, Mozenrath's nerves were pretty frayed. So, he arrived in a triangular stone room. In the room, sitting on top of a dusty cobweb throne was a sphinx.

"You shall pass only if you shall answer this riddle," said the sphinx in a booming voice.

"What now?" Mozenrath growled to the sphinx, "I don't see why I should just kill you now. I've been through enough trouble with that dog and that lion and those blobs that almost ate me,"

"How many letters are in the alphabet?" the sphinx said.

Mozenrath blinked.

"That's it?" Mozenrath asked.

"What do you mean that's it?" the sphinx said.

"I mean…that's it? _That's_ the riddle?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's simple. A child could figure it out,"

"_Do not mock my riddle! ANSWER IT OR PERISH!" _

Mozenrath sighed, "Well, you said 'alphabet' and any dolt can tell you mean the word not the actual letter thing so the answer would be 11,"

The sphinx paused. It stared at Mozenrath, looking a little confused.

Mozenrath tapped his foot, "WELL?"

"Well what?" the sphinx asked.

"Did I get the riddle right?"

"…uh…no?" The sphinx smiled convincingly.

Mozenrath growled, "You don't _know_, _do_ you?"

The sphinx flinched, "…no…" Mozenrath groaned. "I'm sorry! This is my first day!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR FIRST DAY?" Mozenrath yelled.

"The other sphinx got fired," the sphinx answered, "This is my first time and I lost the employee handbook," The sphinx began to cry. "Please don't tell my employer! He'll kill me! I have a family to feed and my wife will leave me if I lose another job and we could really use the money! I have three kids and two of them are going to get married!"

Mozenrath sighed, _'What did I do to deserve dealing with incompetent idiots all day?...besides trying to take over the Seven Deserts, kill Aladdin, steal his genie, enslave my master, bring Agrabah to it's knees, and abuse Xerxes on a daily basis,' _

"Listen, I won't kill you, or tell your employer, as long as you let me pass and get the Pendant of Viper Calling," Mozenrath said.

"You'll need the key to get it," the sphinx said. He reached into his crotch and pulled out a key with a smile.

Mozenrath looked at the key. Then looked at the sphinx, "…can you get one that wasn't touching your crotch?"

* * *

Sadira found herself in a stone room painted in the resemblance of some foreign nursery with toys and painted on windows. There was even four beds and a box of toys. Sitting on the bed was a boy dressed all in green with red hair and a red cap. Nearby him was a fairy.

"Look, Tink! There's someone here to help us escape!" the boy said.

"Who the hell are you?" Sadira said.

"I'm Peter Pan and this is Tinkerbell!" the boy said, jumping up, "We've been trapped in here for at least some weeks now!"

"You don't say?" Sadira said, raising an eyebrow. She stared at Tinkerbell and grabbed her, "What is this? Some breed of sprite?"

"Don't do that! You'll hurt her!" Peter Pan protested.

"Hey! I'm gentle with her! See?" Sadira said as she showed Peter Pan Tinkerbell.

At saying "See?" Sadira accidentally squeezed Tinkerbell too hard and crushed her insides with a loud "POP". Tinkerbell suddenly turned limp and her usual magic glow fizzled out.

"TINK!" Peter Pan yelled.

"…oops," Sadira said. She then handed the, now dead, Tinkerbell to a mortified Peter Pan. Sadira then found blue ooze on her hand, "Gross…sprite blood," She wiped her hand on the wall until she deemed it clean.

"Tink, speak to me!" Peter Pan said, shaking the fairy. Tinkerbell's head fell off the shaking and rolled on the ground. Peter Pan glared at Sadira, "MURDERER!"

Sadira smiled innocently, "It was an accident! How was I supposed to know that a sprite could be crushed so easily?"

Peter Pan gasped suddenly, "Oh no! Without Tink's magic and I won't be able to be a boy forever!"

Sadira looked at him, "Well, how _old_ could you possibly be?"

Peter Pan was about to ask that when he suddenly clutched his heart and he began to rapidly age. He grew taller and then began to shrink as wrinkles appeared in his face and eventually he crumbled into a pile of dust on the floor.

Sadira paused and could only stare at the pile of dust.

"…I think I remember why I didn't take that 'eternal youth' potion…" Sadira murmured.

* * *

Mozenrath found that the key unlocked a door. A door that just happened to be marked 'STAIRS'. Now, Mozenrath (who had had his fill of signs) attacked this certain sign with a magically summoned fireball and maimed it. Then when he was done maiming the sign, he opened the door.

'_It's stairs. How bad could it possibly be that all of those other wretched rooms?' _Mozenrath thought.

Mozenrath found his sudden (and usually lacking) optimistic attitude to crumble away (much like Peter Pan had) when he saw all the stairs. The stairs were spiraling upwards towards the ceiling and they seemed endless. Mozenrath let out a groan. This was worse than the blobs – probably worse than the stupid dragon, the cat (which was a really lion), and the dog (which was really a ferocious beast).

He. Hated. Climbing. STAIRS.

Now, it wasn't small lengths of stairs that bothered him so much, but it was the longer mile-long, stairs that curved and you went up them and round-and-round-and-round until you were tired, dizzy, sweat – and you STILL had at least a thousand stairs to climb! And then if you forgot something at the bottom or something went out of your pockets you had to go down the stairs and go round-and-round-and-round until you were at the bottom and then you and to go back and round-and-round…and so on.

It was one of the reasons why he (a) didn't have an intense amount of stairs in his citadel and (b) always teleported from room to room. Of course, he couldn't teleport to the top of the stairs because he had never been in the pyramid before and he could land himself in a wall or the actual stairs (which would probably kill him, or worse, ruin his new cape!).

So, drawing a deep breath, Mozenrath went up the stairs…

…and it only took about ten minuets before he had to stop and take a breather.

"Note to _-gasp_ - self…exercise _–pant–_ is my _–wheeze–_ friend," Mozenrath panted.

* * *

Sadira had found that the room had several hidden doors in the windows painted on the brick wall. By simply pressing the window, she found it opened a doorway to another world. The first door led to a large savannah which including talking/singing lions. The second door was under the sea and opening it let in a rush of seawater and a merman who flopped around for a little while and then suffocated from lack of water.

"Is it me, or does everything around me seem to just die?" Sadira said to herself as she yanked a starfish out of her hair.

She found that the third and final door/painted window was (thankfully) an exit out of the chaotic room. Crawling through the door and leaving the dust of Peter Pan, the body of Tinker Bell, and the dead mermen behind Sadira entered a tiny stone room with a staircase spiraling up through the ceiling.

"When I meet the bastard that designed this stupid place I'm going to cast a spell so that he'll be inside out!" Sadira huffed as she climbed up the stairs.

And so Sadira climbed. She climbed, and climbed, and climbed all night long (well, the actual time was fifty minuets but it seemed longer to her).

* * *

_I think Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is schizophrenic and Hobbes represents another side of his personality. At least, that's what I think. I still love that little cartoon. That and Dilbert.- ZeroSoul_


	4. playing hard to get

_Yes, yes, I know…I'm a lazy bum! (whining) But I had writer's block….anyways, here's the next chapter of insanity._ - ZeroSoul

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter three: "playing hard to get"**

There it was – the effort of Mozenrath's constant annoyance at the hands of random idiots and Sadira's frustration at the hands of multiple rooms.

In the triangular stone room was a golden statute of a giant leviathan coiling itself around a world. It was positioned as if it was hissing fiercely at them. On top of the leviathan's head was a shining object – a large diamond with a tiny serpent sealed inside, crystallized over the many thousands of years. It twinkled brightly, reflecting the light of the four torches positioned at each wall. The Pendant of Viper Calling.

Sadira rushed over to the pendant. Mozenrath rushed over to it.

And they both grabbed it at the same time.

Sadira and Mozenrath looked at each other and spoke their first words to each other:

"WHO THE HELL ARE _YOU_!"

Now, in a far away place in a far away land (which was named "Agrabah" by some dolt that decided it was a good idea to name a hunk of sand) a certain princess met a certain street rat and it was love at first sight for them and they eventually started to date and get married, live happily ever after and so on with the fairytale cliches.

But that princess and her no shirt no shoes street rat have nothing to do with this since Sadira and Mozenrath's first impressions were the exact opposite of these two.

Sadira gripped the Pendant of Viper Calling, "Let _go_, damn it!"

Mozenrath held onto the Pendant of Viper Calling, "_You_ let go! I went through a lot of trouble to get this!"

"You went through a lot of trouble! _I _fell down hundreds of stairs!"

"I got chased by gray blobs with teeth!"

Sadira rolled her eyes, "Okay, you're _obviously_ making that up!"

"Do you want me to _show_ you those blobs?"

"This is still _mine_! I need it for a spell!"

"I need it _more_!"

"No, you don't!"

Love at first sight was not on Sadira or Mozenrath's mind at the moment. Murder at first sight would probably be the best to describe the situation.

"Okay, we're both mature, powerful, sorcerers," Mozenrath said. Even though he talking, he still had a firm grip on the Pendant of Viper Calling, "I think we both have a more civilized and mature way to handle–"

Sadira, at this point, snatched away the Pendant of Viper Calling from Mozenrath and ran from her entrance into the room. At this action, Mozenrath's maturity level went down a few notches.

"Hey! Get back here! That pendant is mine! _MINE!_" Mozenrath yelled, chasing after Sadira.

Thus began the great chase of Mozenrath and Sadira, which would eventually go down in the history books as "a big waste of time". Sadira was light on her feet and after years of being a street rat had put her body in perfect physical condition for the grab-and-run-like-hell situations (such as the one she was in at the moment) that seemed to fill her life. However, Mozenrath was better at being sneaky and outwitting his opponents.

"_Icy Tempest!_" Mozenrath chanted.

The floor Sadira had been running on, wassuddenly covered with a thick slippery ice as a magical arctic blast from Mozenrath's hand covered it. Sadira's boots skidded on the ice and she slipped and began to slide. Sadira (who had been raised in the desert all her life), let out a yell, arms flailing and not knowing what to do.

"That should slow her down!" Mozenrath said, thinking out loud. Ten seconds later he then realized that Sadira was now sliding away from him at a rapid pace, faster than she had been when running away, "…DAMN IT ALL!" and went after her.

Sadira's sliding only ceased at the end of doorway, which was labeled 'BEWARE OF MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS'. Sadira immediately backed away from the door, remembering having to fall down all those stairs and having the bruises to remind her. _'There has to be another way around this. I'd rather bite my own tongue than go through that again,' _Sadira said.

Sadira, however,didn't have time to consider this option though, because aminuet later, Mozenrath (who hadalso beenraised in the desert andhad no idea how to handle himself on ice either) came crashing into her -knocking the both of them into the room of Multiple Dimension stairs.

And down they went. And up they went. And they went in several other directions as well.

* * *

Mozenrath spat out the dirt and grime that had entered his mouth, picking himself off the ground that he had landed on after the room of Multiple Dimensions spat Sadira and him out. He first dusted himself off and then realized Sadira was already up and on her feet, running away from him and back down another hallway. 

"Doesn't this woman know when to give up?" Mozenrath growled, getting off the floor.

And the chase started again.

Sadira saw Mozenrath coming up behind her and turned around a little, "I've had enough of you! By The Mysteries Of Bo-ei, Fire Tempest!"

Mozenrath heard the chant and (like any sorcerer who was used to being under fire), hit the flooras soon asthe fire came towards him. Sadira laughed and then continued to scamper away. She was nearby the exit, she could _feel_ it! Mozenrath (once again) got off the floor and dusted himself off.

"This is _ridiculous_!" Mozenrath said to himself, vocally venting his outrage, "I am the most powerful sorcerer in all of Agrabah and I have to chase some damn girl for a pendant that rightfully belongs to _me_?"

Sadira had now passed the hallway of spikes and was heading for the pyramid exit. Mozenrath let out another groan, cursingSadira and need of the pendant. And the chase continued, from room to room until finally they were outside.

Unfortunately, Sadira (being lighter and smaller and thus less wind restraint than Mozenrath) managed to get outside first.

"Raven!" Sadira called.

The Raven, who just happened to be conveniently standing nearby preening his feathers looked up at Sadira, _"Yes, m'lady?" _

"Fly!" Sadira yelled, jumping onto the Raven's back and gripping on hard, one hand clutching feathers and the other hand holding The Pendant of Viper Calling, "Fly like there's a restaurant owner afteryou!"

The raven – who in the past had been chased down by a strange white bearded man, with a fake Southern accent, wearing a white suit who made living frying chicken – took off like never before. Sadira would have sworn she would have fallen off if she hadn't been clutching so hard onto the gigantic bird. She looked down at Mozenrath, who was scowling.

To add insult to injury she stuck out her tongue at him and that was the breaking point for Mozenrath.

"_Xerxes_! _Billy_!" Mozenrath yelled. At their master's call, Xerxes and Billy flew over to Mozenrath's side. Mozenrath pointed towards Sadira, who was flying away, "Xerxes, follow that bird! Billy, I want–" He paused. "…wait, Billy, what are you still _doing_ here?"

"_I'm stuck," _Billy answered.

"Stuck? What do you mean _stuck_?" Mozenrath asked.

Billy's eyes were watered with tears, _"I can't go back, mister. I tried and I tried and I can't go back home…" _Billy then began to sob.

Mozenrath growled, "Enough of your childish whining! Make use of yourself while you're here and strap yourself back onto that carriage!"

Billy slunk back to the carriage with a sigh and Xerxes flew after Sadira. Mozenrath growled as he went towards the carriage. "I won't be shown up by some damn sorceress! I'm twice as powerful as her and three times as smart!"

Whether Sadira was or wasn't more or less intelligent/powerful than Mozenrath, she arrived at her castle in no time. They landed in the courtyard, which Sadira had been meaning to clean up but never did.

"I dismiss you, Raven!" Sadira said.

"_Dismiss me? I thinkest mine job wast fair to thou," _the Raven answered.

"You are, but I don't _need_ you anymore," Sadira said.

_"Wilt thou at least call me?"_

"Why would I do that?"

"…'_tis awful lonesome a life for me…" _

Sadira blinked and then yelled at the Raven, "WOULD YOU GO _AWAY_ ALREADY!"

The Raven, feeling sad, flew away, only leaving large feathers falling to ground in his place. Sadira then rushed from the courtyard, The Pendant of Viper Calling still clutched in hand, and up to her study where she performed her magical acts. She had an unusual spring in her step as she prepared the items for her spell – mostly because her ego had gone up a few notches since she had outwitted another sorcerer.

'_Speaking of outwitting him in the tomb,' _Sadira said, _'I got pretty messy during that whole affair,' _

Her clothes were pretty messy – ripped at the edges and covered with all sorts of dirt and grime. Sadira had heard – and experienced – the many bad results of being dressed in a bad condition. Things come off or fall apart and ruining spells was something she wasn't in the mood to have happen to her. Not to mention that there was sand in her hair. And every woman hated having messy hair.

'_A bath is obviously in order,' _Sadira thought.

And in a stereotypical female decision, Sadira put aside the spell and decided to take a bath. Now, like most castles that enjoyed blatantly sharing off its wealth, Sadira's own special castle purchased from bankrupt dragons, had a football field sized pool (since it was originally intended for dragons to bathe in) complete with running water, shiny tile, and other things that screamed absolute luxury.

_'This is the life,' _Sadira thought as she lounged in the warm water, _'I'm clean, I'm beautiful, I'm powerful, and best of all I outwitted another sorcerer. Life is good,' _

Sadira's life, however, was about to go from mildly good to bad considering that Xerxes was wandering around her castle walls.

* * *

_I'm very aware that Sadira didn't have to take a bath, but nudity is fun, or at least that's my belief_. – ZeroSoul 


	5. now included: female nudity

_Warning: the following chapter contains nudity, fire and muffins. Okay, maybe there's no muffins but they're tasty aren't they? Mmm…muffins. I want muffins now. Muffins tasty. Okay then. Read at your own warning. – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter four: "now included: female nudity"**

Billy was practically exhausted by the time he had managed to pull the carriage all the way towards a large castle (Mozenrath, to tell the truth, was actually surprised he managed to get it as far as two miles away from the pyramid). Mozenrath stepped out of the carriage to find Billy was panting and gasping on the ground – still hooked up to the carriage. Mamluks – being their idiotic undead selves – were wandering around aimlessly.

"…_my are lungs collapsing…" _Billy panted.

"Yes, yes, that's fascinating," Mozenrath said, not truly paying attention to Billy or his lungs. He was more or less studying the castle in which that irritable sorceress resided. The castle wasn't as large – or as well taken care of – as his but it still looked as if it belonged to someone not-as-nearly-as-powerful-but-only-a-smidgen-close to his power.

'_But there's no way that girl could rival my power of course!' _Mozenrath thought, being his normal, but egotistical, self.

Still, that image of her flying away on a giant raven remained in his mind. Especially her sticking out her tongue at him. A tongue that said "Nyah, nyah, you suck, Mozenrath because you got beaten by a little girl".

"Damn it all!" Mozenrath cursed out loud, "I won't be shown up by some amateur sorceress!"

"_Mister, why are you talking to yourself?"_ Billy asked.

"Oh, shut up!"Mozenrath barked at the serpent child. He then fumed his rage towards other things, "And where the hell is Xerxes?"

Mozenrath had been following Xerxes' lead towards the castle until he suddenly disappeared. _'Knowing that stupid thing,' _Mozenrath realized, _'he probably got lost inside of the castle,' _Grumbling and complaining as he usually did when things didn't go his way, Mozenrath decided to take things into his own hands and enter the castle on his own.

Unknown to Sadira, who was still lounging in her bathtub, Xerxes was sneaking around her castle. But Xerxes – being the uncoordinate and not so bright god-knows-what-kind-of-creature-he-was – he was lost within the multiple hallways and towers. And unknown to Xerxes, Mozenrath was walking through the hallways – lost as well.

'_Damnit! I've seen that window at least five times already! How the hell does that sorceress find her way through this place! It's a maze!' _Mozenrath thought, irritated at the fact that he had no idea where he was going. He suddenly heard sounds coming out of one of the rooms and thought, _Wait a minuet! That must be her! Aha! I'll surprise her and get my pendant back!' _

Sadira, who was getting out of the tub at this exact moment, had no idea what was in store for her.

"I swear!" Mozenrath growled as he opened the door, "If this door leads to another hallway I'm going to–"

The door did not lead to another hallway. It did lead to an old room cluttered with old furniture and books of all sorts, which was very odd considering as to why Sadira had a room like this in her castle to begin with. Mozenrath stepped onto the creaking floor beneath him, scratching his head. _'How did I get **here**?' _Mozenrath thought. It wasn't another hallway, but it was still puzzling. As for Sadira, she had no idea that she was in store for their to be a spider in the pool.

"Bugs! I hate bugs!" Sadira said as she gave the swimming creature a magical blast that killed it instantly, "If there's nothing I hate more than anything else, it's _bugs_!"

Mozenrath was still in the furniture room, wondering what was going on. But then again, maybe he could find something use in the room to–

CRASH!

The old wooden floor underneath him – which had been suffering at the hands of termites – gave in. Several chairs, a footstool, an armchair, some scrolls, and Mozenrath fell into the room below them…

_SPLASH_!

…and into a pool of water, which just happened to be the same pool Sadira had been bathing in. She had gotten out of the pool and put a robe on. Mozenrath gasped and surfaced, clinging onto the floating remains of a wooden chair nearby, sucking in air and trying tom get rid of the water in his lungs at the moment.

"Are you okay?" Sadira asked, walking over to the stranger who had oddly fallen from the ceiling. There was wet hair over his face, so she couldn't identify him or her. She was more concerned about the safety of the person (and also if they were going to sue her or not for injuries).

Mozenrath looked up at her and took another gasp. Though Sadira was not naked, he could see her figure very well and notice some very interesting things about her. He wasn'ts exactly sure what to say towards her, since his interaction with females was very little.

"Hey, nice–"

However, his choice words were the bad choice, for at hearing the exempt last part of this sentence, Sadira sent a fireball at Mozenrath's head.

Mozenrath saw the fireball and ducked under the water to avoid it. While he was busy avoiding, Sadira rushed out of the water and put a nearby robe over herself.

"Two can play at this game!" Mozenrath said, as he resurfaced from underneath the water. He then chanted, "_King of Waves!_"

The water in the pool rose up in a giant wave and splashed down on Sadira, drenching her.

"_By the caverns of Jung, Ice Shuriken!" _Sadira chanted. The water around her rose and changed into sharp ice throwing stars that darted in Mozenrath's general direction, "What in the name of Agrabah are you doing here?"

"_Sapphire Storm!" _Mozenrath chanted back. The remaining water in the pool rose up into multiple sharp points and clashed with the ice throwing stars. He then got out of the pool and said to Sadira, "I'm here for my _pendant_ of course!"

"No way! I won that pendant fair and square!"

"You won _nothing_! You _stole_ it from me, you little _pest_!"

"Well, it's your fault for being too slow to catch me to get it!"

Mozenrath grew irritated with her, "I've had enough of this! I came here to get my pendant! Not to bicker with some little girl!"

"_Little girl? _Do you need glasses or something?"

"Only an _amateur_ sorcerer would need to do some chanting for an attack spell!"

"Any sorcerer who _doesn't_ is _as old as time!_"

Mozenrath fumed at this, "_You take that back!" _

Sadira stuck out her tongue at him, "Make me! How old are you? Are a hundred? No, I'm being too generous! Maybe you're a _thousand years old_!"

Now, it was a well known fact among sorcerers that they don't age as rapidly as regular people due, though this reason was unknown, it had something to do with the constant usage of magick, or something like that. Many sorcerers considered this a blessing to remain younger than they actually looked, but it also opened up many insults for those – like Mozenrath – who were sensitive about their ages.

"I've had enough of this!" Mozenrath yelled_, "Fire Tempest!"_

"Bring it on then, old man! _By the eyes of Naeni – Water Tempest!" _Sadira chanted.

The two elements clashed against each other and cancelled out, but the two sorcerers were on a war path to win. It wasn't only about the pendant now, oh no, it had escalated to a whole new level – young sorcerer versus old sorcerer, street girl versus upper class boy, and most of all – a battle of the sexes, mixed in with magick and a strong determination to be the victor of the battle, and their pride fuled them more than anything else.

However, pride couldn't fule their magick abilities and both of them had exhausted it within an hour, so they continued to fight physically. They were both getting a little exhausted, but they were having an andenaline rush at the moment. Sadira's robe was ripped up and was barely enough to cover her nudity. Mozenrath had several bleeding scratches on his face, which irritated him.

"I've got you now," Mozenrath said to Sadira. He had her in a head lock, smirking as she tried to get away, "Everybody knows men are far superior than women. Now, where's _my_ pendant?"

"People are stupid," Sadira huffed and promptly bit Mozenrath in the arm that he was holding her in.

Mozenrath let out a long stream of curses, mainly directed at Sadira, and then tackled her.

"_Now_ I've got you," Mozenrath growled at Sadira.

He then realized two things at this point. One – he was lying on top of Sadira, which looked very strange. Two – the top of Sadira's robe had slid away and he could see her breats in all their female glory. The last thing made Mozenrath, take the most notice, since he had never actually seen them before.

Well, – to tell the honest truth – he had seen them. It was the time after he had turned Destane into a Mamluk and looked through his things to see what he could throw away and what he could use. One of the items he found was a very graphic picture of a naked Mirage in several interesting positions, but he had suppressed those images into the back of his mind never to be remembered again for sanity reasons.

"…what?" Sadira growled at him.

Mozenrath couldn't help but stare/ "…nothing…" he said in a very small voice.

"You do _anything_ to me _and I will **scream**_," Sadira hissed at him.

Mozenrath made a face. The idea of doing anything with this girl – or even touching her to begin with – repulsed him on many levels, simply because he himself hated to be touched by people, or anything to begin with. Sadira saw Mozenrath's reaction and was about to say something when the door opened.

* * *

_Yes, I tricked you by letting you think Mozenrath would catch Sadira bathing. Don't hit with olives...they hurt me badly. - ZeroSoul_

"_Mister!"_ Billy said, _"I found the eel! He was–"_

Billy then stopped when he looked at Sadira and Mozenrath.

"It's not what you think! It's not what you think!" Sadira and Mozenrath said, panicking.

"_Am I interrupting something?" _Billy asked.

"SHUT UP! " Mozenrath growled, flushing with embarassed, and angrily left the room, as if pretending Sadira no longer existed. She didn't matter any longer, since his pride was on the line again.

Sadira was left on the floor, feeling very confused and a little cold.


	6. speaking to the inner teenager

_Explosions happen here. Well, no not really. Well, maybe. I don't know, really. I'm making it up as I go along. I'm not kidding, I really am.That's why it takes so long to write.– ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter six: "speaking to the inner teenager" **

"_Don't worry, mister. I know all about what you were doing. I see mom and dad do it all the time," _Billy said.

"Shut up! " Mozenrath answered.

Even though it was late at night and hours after what had happened at the castle with that sorceress, he was still flustered. Not even being back in his own domain made him feel at any ease, like it normally did. _'I should try and sleep it off,' _Mozenrath thought, _'if I just a little bit of rest, everything will be alright in the morning,' _

So he went promptly to sleep, and dreamt about himself standing in the middle of a gray fog inside his own mind.

'_Where the hell am I?' _Mozenrath said in his own dream, _'This isn't my usual taking over the Seven Deserts dream,' _

A boy suddenly appeared in front of Mozenrath. He was a few years younger than Mozenrath himself, but looked exactly like him. His face was filled with acne.

'_You look familiar. Do I know you?' _Mozenrath asked the boy.

'_I'm your inner teenager,'_ answered the boy. His voice was squeaking.

'_My inner what?' _Mozenrath asked.

'_Your inner _teenager_,' _answered the boy.

'_Don't you mean my inner _child_?' _

'_No, I'm your inner teenager. I'm a lot like an inner child, I think about sex every three minuets,' _

'_What the hell are you doing here?' _

_'I'm here to tell you that we need to get some action,'_

'_We? Where'd this 'we' part come from?' _

'_I'm _you_, remember? I'm _your_ inner teenager. You know that little voice in that back of your head that's always says 'I'm horny'? That's me. Now listen Mozenrath, we're at least a hundred years old and we haven't had a girlfriend yet. In fact, we've never been on a _date_,' _

'_I despise people, I despise being touched, and I despise you, most of all!' _Mozenrath then growled. _'And if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to conquer the Seven Deserts! Why would I be worried about women?' _

'_Because we had a chance to get laid and _you_ ruined it!' _

'_What? When?' _

'_Just a couple of hours ago!' _

'_What? That girl?' _

'_Yeah, the topless one,' _

'_She _bit_ me!' _

'_So? It was a love nip. Some chicks are into that,' _

'_I'm _not_ into that!' _

Mozenrath's inner teenager shrugged, _'Experimenting never hurt anyone. Anyway, Mozenrath, we can't go on like this – a _virgin_ I mean. We have a prime example of a good, attractive girl who's nice and lonely and if we work towards it, we can finally get a little piece of action!' _

Mozenrath huffed, _'I don't _see_ why you're even here. I hate being touched,' _

_'Listen, Mozenrath, I'm a part of you – a part of your body! I make up most of your genitalia! I'm your own body trying to tell you that your biological clock is conveniently ticking right about now! So you better get over that phobia of touching people and get naked with somebody right away!'_

'NO_. I have far more important things to do. If I need it so badly, I can wait a bit longer,'_

'_Wait a bit longer? It's been a hundred and twenty four years, Mozenrath! _A hundred and twenty four years! _I can't wait any longer!' _

'_The answer is still _no_. I hate being touched,' _

The teenaged Mozenrath grit his teeth, _'Okay, Mozenrath, you want to play it the hard way – fine! If you don't do the deed by the end of this year, I'm going to take those images of Mirage you suppressed in the back of your mind and make you see them all in their full colored glory!' _

Mozenrath made a face, _'You wouldn't dare,' _

'_Oh, I'll dare! _I'll dare!_ A hundred and twenty four years of virginity will do that to you!' _

'…_I hate you so much right now,' _

'_Well, you hate yourself. You'll be waking up now,' _

'_Wha-?'_

And at this point, Mozenrath woke up – frustrated at the world, knowing what he had to do.

* * *

Caution had to applied to when dabbling in the unknown and erratic forces in life, because as the saying went 'magic could be murder' and indeed it could be. One mispronounced word, one left out letter, or any mishap of the like and your spell could easily backfire. Using the Pendant of Viper Calling was no exception, considering the dangerous spirit contained inside of it. 

"But what to do with it?" Sadira mused, staring at the strange little trinket. She felt a feeling of pride after winning it off the sorcerer from yesterday but she wasn't sure what to do with it. The Working of Decay spell would be nice to have attack her enemy but the fact of the matter was...she truly lacked one. She wasn't exactly the most powerful (or well known) sorceress (not yet, anyway).

_'The spell kills living things, mainly people and animals,' _Sadira thought as she held up and stared at the Pendant of Viper Calling, _'the only place that has a collection of so many things would be...' _

Agrabah of course, but there were several problems with that. (1) Agrabah was a lowly city that hadn't done anything to her (except for perhaps years and years of abuse at the hands of anti-streetrat people), (2) Jasmine and Aladdin lived in Agrabah and she had nothing against them (or at least, not anymore), and (3) Sadira hadn't set foot in Agrabah ever since Aladdin's wedding to Jasmine, which would mark two years andfour months today.

Sadira mulled over her options and made a final decision: _'It's time I pay a visit,' _

She rushed down to her luxurious bath and grabbed a soaking carpet from the pool. It was dripping wet and smelled of mold, but it would serve its purpose.

_"By The Awe-inspiring Ruins Of Kroi-dyma, and the wings of Xeleus, give me flight!"_ Sadira chanted as she stood on the carpet. The carpet immediatly stiffened out and hovered into the air. Sadira held on tight to the carpet with a smile, "Okay, carpet! Take me to Agrabah!"

The carpet snapped as it rushed through the palace window with a screaming Sadia clinging tightly onto it.

"I hope my insurance covers that..." Sadira murmured, watching yet another window go to pieces.

Little did Sadira know, that her insurance didn't cover window damage due to magical carpets not knowing where the door was.

Meanwhile, Mozenrath was already visiting the city of Agrabah under the guise of an old merchant. He had to go and purchase ram's blood and the only place that sold it at a cheap enough price was in Agrabah. He had left Billy in the castle (since he was a nuisane) and taken Xerxes with him, who had shapeshifted to the form of a cat. The sun was bright out - obnoxiously bright and irritating to Mozenrath's eyes, so he wanted to get this over with _as soon as possible_.

"Hello there, my favorite customer. What brings you here?" cackled the old woman that ran the shop. He had a pegleg, an eyepatch, and leaned on a wooden stick. Even Mozenrath thought she was creepy and insane but he chose not to mention it, lest the old woman turn out to be a sorceress and turn him into a cat (and he wasn't going to go through _that_ again).

"I need ram's blood," Mozenrath requested.

"Would you like your fortune told?" asked the old woman.

"No thank you," Mozenrath said.

"Of course, I love kiwis!" said the old woman.

"I didn't say anything about kiwi," Mozenrath said.

"What? Do you think I'm blind? I'll let you know that my left eye sees perfectly!" the old woman said.

Mozenrath blinked, "...can I have some ram's blood?"

"Why, of course you can!" the old woman said, "Would you like your fortune told, Mozenrath?"

"How do you know my name?"

"I know eveything that I need to know!" the old woman replied. She snapped her fingers and a bottle of ram's blood appeared in her palm. The woman purred,"Ram's blood. The conction used for every simple spell I know, wouldn't you agree, Mozenrath? Lord of the Black Sands?"

Mozenrath was about to take the ram's blood when he realized something was amiss. He narrowed his eyes at the old woman and made a face, "Nice to see you're meddling in my life again..._Mirage_,"

The old woman pursued her lips and suddenly transformed. Her back straightened, her hair darkened, and her skin grew fur and there was Mirage standing in her feline skin, staring at Mozenrath with curved eyes.

"What gave me away?" purred Mirage.

"Yourself," Mozenrath answered.

"I suppose I couldn't fit the bill of playing the old lady part," answered Mirage. She flexed her female figure, "I'm too beautiful,"

"I'll permit you to continue to think such," was Mozenrath's answer, "But I really wonder what you're doing here? After you multitime defeat at the hands of Aladdin and company, you weren't allowed to tread the mortal realms,"

"That maybe true, but there's loopholes and gaps in knowledge," Mirage said, with a big Cheshire smile, "and I'm here to see Agrabah be destroyed. It's a great moment in history, you know. As a goddess and a powerful entity, I'm allowed some glimpses into the future and this is the fateful day. I was just trying to speed it up a little bit but this is it!"

"Don't toy with me, Mirage," Mozenrath huffed and walked away, "I already pushed you out of my life once and I'll do it again,"

Mirage hissed and jumped in front of Mozenrath, blocking his exit, "You may crawl out, but you'll never get away from me. My blood-" She tapped Mozenrath on the forehead. "-is _your_ blood. We are eternally bound until one of us perishes,"

"...and Fashir's blood," Mozenrath answered, with a knowing smirk.

Mirage's smile of joy turned wicked, grim, and bitter. She reached out to scratch Mozenrath but he put up a barrier before she could even touch him.

"And I've learned a thing or two over the years," Mozenrath said, "without your loving help, Mirage,"

Mirage laughed and turned into mist. She dropped onto the floor a bottle of ram's blood with a note attached.

_To my little kitten: _

_You have once againforgetten my mother's day gift,_

_but I am more than willing to forgive you _

_and your male __stupidity. _

_with all the love from my heart, Mirage _

Mozenrath hurled the bottle at the stone wall with a steam of curses.

* * *

_For those of you who don't remember (because I forgot too) Fashir was the blind sorcerer in the tv series that always fought against Mirage's evil magic. He kinda looks like Gandalf. - Zerosoul_


	7. wrongfully accused

_Can't speak. Must play Kingdom Hearts II or monkeys will eat my face… - Zerosoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter seven: "wrongfully accused" **

Unknown to the currently ranting and raving Mozenrath, Xerxes had taken this time to wander off since he smelled a familiar scent (which was odd considering how Xerxes didn't have a nose and this is what we call a 'plot hole'). He smelled the same scent from the old castle yesterday and he knew in his morbid little heart that if he found the girl like he was supposed to, then maybe his master wouldn't be so mean...or at least let him stop looking so weird. It even disturbed _him_ on some level.

Up above Xerxes, Sadira was flying over the city on her magic carpet. She felt very - what was that word again? oh yes, - whimsical on her magic carpet. As if she could just get up and spin around, but that would be dangerous considering how high up she was in the air. She kept on the watch for the palace and a way to get in without drawing too much attention. She looked down below to see the usual over buff, overly pea-brained guards doing their usual thing and didn't want to have another run in with them.

'I wonder what Jasmine will say when she sees me…' Sadira thought. But there were only two options here: (a) happiness at the fact to see an old friend/love rival again or (b) anger at the fact that Sadira had never visited and had a plan of delayed revenge against years of abuse in the city when she was just a defenseless little girl and didn't have the firepower she had today. 

While joy was one thing and rage was another, she couldn't decide which she was looking forward to. Joy would mean guilt later and rage…well, that would just flare up her temper and make her less relentless when things came out in the end. Yes, her plans had failed before but this was foolproof! Why, this plan was –

"Why, that's strange…" Sadira said, her mind floating away from the topic of revenge.

Down below, nearby the palace gates where she was floating above, there was a strange creature. Well, the word "creature" would be ill fitting since Sadira understood that it was in the shape of some sort of cat or feline animal. It was dark and had bright red eyes, but there was something…odd…about it that sent bizarre shivers down her spine. It looked right up at Sadira and meowed. Then it jumped through the palace walls like they were nothing and was in the courtyard.

Sadira looked at the guards – they hadn't taken notice of it.

'_Let's see…I'm on my way to commit revenge and all of a sudden a strange cat-thingy pops out of nowhere and it's setting my magick senses off,' _Sadira thought, _'But the real question is: trap or not?' _

There were choices: ignore it and go on with the mission or examine. Although she was burning to do the first, she had gone through painstaking measures to make sure the plan was fool-proof and she wasn't going to let a fluke like a cat-thing get in the way.

Slowly, she lowered the carpet down towards the courtyard, cautiously looking around for guards.

Concurrently, Mozenrath had finished ranting to himself in the old and abandoned place of the crazed old woman (or at least had been her place; he wasn't sure what Mirage had done with the old bat). And now that his anger was out of his system, he was allowed to think more clearly.

'_What in all of the Seven Hells is she _doing_ here?' _Mozenrath thought. He rubbed his temples – he could feel a migraine coming on – the same throbbing and pulsating that always came when Mirage appeared back into his life to meddle.

There were also several things that were bothering him: (1) Mirage didn't care about him or his life unless there was some advantage for her, (2) Mirage never helped or aided him unless there was something for her in it, (3) Mirage never did _anything_ unless it was for her, and (4) Mirage said Agrabah was going to be destroyed today.

'_She's toying with me,' _Mozenrath resolved, but the last part was bothering him. He wouldn't deny that Mirage was a goddess and evil incarnate and powerful and could see into the future, but the puzzle pieces weren't fitting.

The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The vendors were yelling. Water didn't turn into blood, the sky didn't darken, and Armageddon was obviously not on the way for Agrabah and the city had stood for a thousand years without being destroyed and everytime it was destroyed it was rebuilt or redeemed or renovated or redone by none other than Aladdin and his trio of obnoxious sidekicks. It had happened in the past. It happens in the present.

So…why _today_ of all days for Agrabah to be destroyed?

While pondering this, Mozenrath left the little nook of a home and discovered that Xerxes was gone (good riddance) and that he could now return to the Land of Black Sands, since he had no interest in destroying it today (he had other plans).

"Meow," 

The noise alone set Mozenrath on edge and turned in the hopes of flinging a fireball at Mirage only to see a strange…thing…sitting a few feet in front of him. It was feline in shape with blue eyes, but it was obviously alien to Agrabah and otherworldly. He suspected it was one of Mirage's lackeys and threw the fireball without a second thought.

The cat-thing dodged out of the way and ran down the streets. Mozenrath – who was already flared up in temper over Mirage and now this made it even worse – chased after it to see it was running towards the palace gates. It jumped right through the walls with another teasing meow.

Mozenrath saw red at this point…in a fiery and very literal sense.

* * *

(Meanwhile, Xerxes was very, very, very lost since his sense of smell was imaginary and he didn't really have one...but nobody cares about an ugly flying eel-thing.)

* * *

Sadira was doing her best at being stealthy when approaching the cat-thing. She didn't want to cause a scene and attract the attention of those irritating guards or worse…have Jasmine or Aladdin discover her presence. Sadira's main plan was to entice the creature over to her but the cat-thing seemed to do everything in its power to avoid her. The closer she moved, the more it dashed away. It hissed at her, and Sadira saw quills rise up on its dark body. 

"Come here you little monster…come here…" Sadira crooned to it. The quills slowly lowered and the creature let Sadira get a little closer. However, the closer she got to it, Sadira could sense some sort of hidden power. Something that sent more shivers down her spine, "…a little closer…"

In a perfect world, Sadira would have gotten the cat-thing to come over to her and persuaded it to her side and held her in her plan and the world would be a better place (or not) but this was an _imperfect_ world and this was where things went awry.

First of all, another cat thing came flying out of the gate and ran into Sadira, knocking her own. The new and blue-eyed cat-thing hissed at Sadira – raising quills – and the red-eyed one soon joined it. It appeared they were a pair.

The second thing was that the palace gate to the courtyard exploded into flames with the painful outcries of guards floating in the air and standing in the remains of the gate was the sorcerer from before, looking about as angry as he was when Sadira first met him.

And then the two made eye contact and it was hate at first sight all over again:

"…_YOU AGAIN!" _Sadira and Mozenrath both yelled.

"What in the Seven Deserts are _you _doing here?" Sadira demanded.

"I was about to ask you the same thing!" Mozenrath said, walking over to the sorceress, "This is my turf!"

"_Your turf? _You don't _own_ the place!" Sadira answered

"But I'm the one that terrorizes this city! Get your own!" Mozenrath replied.

"Hit the road! I grew up in this crummy place! I was here _way_ before you!"

"No you weren't! "

"Yes, I was!" 

While the two magicians were bickering like children, the two cat-things were running around and destroying all they saw. They did a lot of damage – clawing up the marble, ripping up plants, hurling hairballs at the wall – anything within their power and then the two of them saw their destruction and then disappeared as mysteriously as they had arrived.

"I don't have time for this!" Mozenrath said, breaking off the argument, "I've got better things to do than dispute silly things with a little girl!"

This statement struck a chord with Sadira – she had always been mocked her size and stature.

"Who are you calling little!" Sadira said, chucking a fireball at Mozenrath's head.

Mozenrath set up his barrier and deflected the fireball, "Don't bug me. I'm in too much of a bad mood to deal with amateurs,"

"I'll show _you_ who's an amateur!" Sadira snarled. She was ready to chant an earthquake spell when a shrill cry rang out:

"MY GARDEN! IT'S RUINED!"

Both sorcerer and sorceress froze at this. They both looked up to see Jasmine and Aladdin standing to behold their destroyed courtyard and part of their love nest. Sadira couldn't help but gawk at the two of them. Two years and four months of absence had changed them. Jasmine was dressed as a queen and Aladdin as king.

Aladdin was too busy staring at their unannounced guests, "…Sadira? I haven't seen you in ages it seems!"

"Long time no see?" Sadira said, with an innocent shrug. Mozenrath made a face.

"Oh _no_…" Jasmine wept as she looked over to see her roses wilting pitifully, "…my beautiful roses! It took me so long to get them that beautiful and big!"

Aladdin's look of happiness disappeared when he saw how upset his wife was; "You two are responsible for this, aren't you?"

"What? _No_!" Sadira yelled.

"Aladdin, I may hold a grudge against you and be your enemy but I've got nothing against gardens," Mozenrath answered.

"All I see is a destroyed garden and you two in the middle of it!" Aladdin said.

"_But it wasn't meeeeeeeee!" _Sadira wailed.

"It was probably those…" Mozenrath. He trailed off when he realized that the cat-things were gone and that the both of them were in a predicament, "…crap," He looked at Aladdin. "Well, Aladdin, it's just like old times all over again,"

"Old times my _ass_! I'm _king_ now! I have my underlings do the fighting now!" Aladdin snorted. He headed back inside of the palace with Jasmine on his arm, "_Genie! Guards! We have intruders!_"

At least fifty guards came pouring into the courtyard and encircled Mozenrath and Sadira so closely that they were back to back.

"This is _your_ fault," Sadira said.

"_My _fault? I didn't do a thing and you saw me!" Mozenrath said.

"Yeah, right! For all I know, you could be the one that was causing this!" Sadira replied.

"How the hell is that even _possible_? I was arguing with _you _the entire time!" Mozenrath yelled.

"I don't know, I'm just an _amateur_!" Sadira sniped, flinging her arms in the air; "You're the _expert _apparently! Why don't you just _tell_ me?"

The guards were closing in on them.

"I don't know about you but _I'm_ not going to spend the rest of my days rotting away in some dungeon over something I didn't even _do_!" Mozenrath answered, "We can argue later!"

Sadira looked around them – outnumbered and with this many guards around; she was bound to get exhausted easily. She made a face and sighed, "Agreed. We can…we can…" She choked the words out, "…work together…"

On top of the angry and snarling royal guards, the annoying Genie appeared.

"Pests, eh?" said the Genie, cracking his knuckles. The blue behemoth looked down at them with a smile, "Well, I guess I'm the castle exterminator!"

"Gods, I _hate_ that Genie," Mozenrath growled.

"Ditto," Sadira murmured.

The battle began with Mozenrath making the first move. It was a long and epic battle – good vs. evil (or vice versa in this situation), right vs. wrong, magic vs. swords, and other 'versus' phrases that are often put in what modern day people call "movie trailers". Mozenrath was offensive. Sadira was defensive.

* * *

(Xerxes wasn't as lost anymore and at least found his way towards the palace gates, but still…nobody cares about an ugly eel-thing.)

* * *

Sadira managed to force back the wave of guards but they were unrelenting in pursuit. It made matters worse that they were familiar with the both of them and had a strong habit of not going easy since they knew they could take it. Mozenrath was busy clashing with one of the bigger guards, who wasn't exactly bothering by flames. 

The guard dove towards him and slashed him down the side of the ribcage. Mozenrath let out a curse and pushed him back with a quick blizzard spell, but still it wasn't enough. There was only two of them and still thirty or so guards left standing the Genie made things worse by healing the fallen guards and getting in the way.

"There's too many of them!" Sadira said. Mozenrath and her were huddled together.

"No shit," Mozenrath growled, holding his side. It was sticky with blood.

A guard dove towards Sadira and she dodged. The blade grazed her thigh and something fell out of her pocket and clinked onto the ground. Sadira's eyes widened and Mozenrath paled when he saw it.

"…is that what I think it is?" Mozenrath murmured.

"_Yes_," Sadira said meekly.

The Pendant of Viper's Calling was lying on the ground. Then a light began to pulsate from within it.

"I think…I think the Working of Decay…is going _to go off,_" Mozenrath growled.

"Well, we've got one option now," Sadira said.

"What?" Mozenrath asked.

"_Run_," was her reply.

She whistled for her flying carpet and it came running. Sadira and Mozenrath hopped on and they took off even before the Genie could catch them.

"You _idiot_!" Mozenrath said to her, "What were doing carrying around that thing? It could have killed us _both_!"

"Well, I was going to _use_ it, that's why I had it," Sadira murmured.

"Reckless amateur," Mozenrath said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, be grateful! The only reason why I'm even flying you out of here is because you're _injured_!" Sadira growled.

"How _kind_ of you…" Mozenrath said with false appreciation. He noticed Xerxes was wandering around. "Xerxes!" he called, "Xerxes, get over here! We're leaving!"

Xerxes quickly responded and rejoined his master.

Meanwhile, the Genie was preoccupied with the Pendant.

"What's _this_ little doo-hickey?" the Genire said.

Ill-chosen last words.

* * *

Sadira was flying them far. As far as she could think of (or as far as the spell would work over the carpet). They were outside of the city now but she wanted to get as far as possible – just to be safe. 

"When is that thing suppose to go off?" Mozenrath asked, looking towards the tops of the Agrabah palace.

"Right about…" Sadira began.

A large sonic boom filled the air, knocking Mozenrath and Sadira out of the sky and into the sands below. The two of them were trapped underneath the carpet as sand rushed over them and disease and death and despair and plague spread all throughout Agrabah, killing everything that was living within the city (even cute little monkeys).

And so on the 13th day, of the 7th month, or some unknown year, the city of Agrabah came to its end on a lovely summer afternoon _not_ because of some rampage of mechanical monsters, _not _because it was hopelessly destroyed by an angered god, _not _because a Wind Jackal did it, and _not _because of Jafar…but because of a stupid mistake and two cat-things (which were still unexplained and unknown to both Mozenrath and Sadira).

* * *

_What will happen to our heroes/villains now?(loves leavingreaders in suspense)- Zerosoul_


	8. much ado about not very much

PLEASE READ: (or head explodey)

_You know, when I first started doing this fanfic, it was supposed to be a short and simple thing that was all planned and written out but now…it's gotten complicated. Not saying that the story will change, but in the writing process, more got added on. _

_You see, it was supposed to be a small fic about Mozenrath and Sadira falling in love and the insanity that happened along the way but I thought that would be boring and…I wanted to really _dive_ into characters and everything else and make it more…well, believable that their love would be possible. _

_So, at this point, the fic is taking a new turn than it was originally planned: there will be more action, more adventure, more mystery, and most of all…more insanity! Well, here be dragons. On with the fic. – Zerosoul _

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter eight: "much ado about...not very much"**

A few seconds after Agrabah's destruction at the hands of The Working of Decay spell, there was an eerie silence or the desert. A few minutes later, that silence was broken again by Sadira punching Mozenrath in the face.

"You _pervert_!" Sadira yelled, breaking the silence over the sand dunes, "You grabbed me!"

"I did _not_!" Mozenrath yelled back, spitting out sand.

"You did too!" Sadira yelled.

"Even if I _did_ hold onto something, it was because there was a blast going on and I didn't want to be _blown_ away!" Mozenrath yelled back, "And even if I did do that, I would have held onto someone more sturdy – not a little _toothpick_ of a girl!"

"Who are you calling a '_toothpick'_, old man?"

"I am not an old man!"

"Idiot!"

"Amateur!"

"Stuck-up pretty boy!"

"Obnoxious midget girl!"

After valiantly fighting side by side for an hour, it took only about three minutes for Mozenrath and Sadira to not be on speaking terms. Sadira settled on her carpet and refused to look at Mozenrath and Mozenrath settled behind a large sand dune a few good feet away and ignored her in his own fashion. Their argument had now elevated from bickering-children to bickering-young-adults.

Mozenrath decided to take this time of not-speaking to examine the wound on his side. It was a heavy slash on his side, stretching from his chest and curving all the way down toward the inner thigh in a slant. He moved away some of the shredded clothing to see that it was still bleeding.

'_Great. Just great,' _Mozenrath thought, with heavy irritation, _'I used up all the magic for the day, so I can't heal myself or teleport anywhere to be healed. And I'm bleeding to death.' _He couldn't help but smile, _'At least I can appreciate the irony here. Agrabah is being destroyed and not only is it by my hands, nor can I enjoy but, I'll probably die very soon after…' _

Sadira was busy stewing in anger over being called a "midget". She had been called plenty of things in life – "street rat", "annoying", "pest", "obnoxious", "stupid", "dumb", "weird", and several curses but _never_ "midget"! Of course, Sadira knew she was tiny – two whole years had passed and she still hadn't grown an inch. She figured that messing around with magic and potions and other unworldly things stunted her growth.

'_I know I'm small for my age! He doesn't have to rub it in!' _Sadira thought, perched on her soaked and now non-flying carpet. Her legs were folded neatly beneath her, _'Who does that egotistical pretty boy think he is? I mean honestly, he's probably of noble birth – just look at him! He's–' _

As she turned to look at Mozenrath, she saw blood pooling by his side. He was holding the wound, hoping it would stop bleeding.

'…_bleeding to death…' _Sadira realized.

She looked around to see if there was anyone else around – nobody. Nothing. Just dune after dune of mellow yellow sand and maybe a lizard here and there crawling over the grainy sea. Sadira groaned and sighed – but she knew what she had to do.

'_The gods better be watching me for this good deed…' _Sadira thought. She took a deep breath, bit back the stinging comments that were just begging to fly off the tip of her tongue, and walked over to the sorcerer.

Mozenrath realized there was a shadow standing over him. He looked up and saw the girl. He snorted and turned away from her, "Come to watch me die?"

"Shut up," Sadira growled. She took the sleeve of her robe and ripped it off. She began to tie it into a bandage.

Mozenrath looked at her, looked at the bandage, and then looked back her, "…what are you doing?"

"I'm saving your life, you dolt," Sadira answered. She held up the bandage, "Now take off your shirt,"

Mozenrath blinked at her; "…do you mind _repeating_ that for me?"

Sadira made a face, "Take off your shirt so I can put this on you so that you don't lose anymore blood!"

"I don't think so," Mozenrath said.

"You idiot! I'm trying to save your life!" Sadira yelled.

"I'd rather die," Mozenrath said. Of course this wasn't a true statement - he didn't want to face the cold embrace of death (or what type of hideous hell awaited him in the afterlife), but he was happier dead than being touched.

"I'm trying to go you a favor!" Sadira said, feeling that he was one of those arrogant rich boys who didn't like having peasants even talking to them, "I'm going to save your life whether you like or _not_! There's no way I'm going to burn in hell because you won't let me do this! Now take off your shirt!"

That's when another fight began, but it wasn't as engaging – or as long – as the other fight was, since both Mozenrath and Sadira were exhausted from fighting the palace guards and making their quick getaway. Within a few minutes, Sadira had Mozenrath pinned, since she still had more energy left.

"What is horribly _wrong_ with you?" Sadira demanded, "I'm trying to _help_ you!"

Mozenrath made a face. He unbuttoned his shirt and Sadira gasped. All along the once covered skin were series of twisting scars, spiraling bruises, and warped blemishes on the skin. Sadira was close to gagging at the sight, but she fought back the bile and forced the self-made bandage onto the still bleeding skin.

"As you can see, I obviously don't enjoy people's help," Mozenrath commented. Sadira said nothing. As soon as she was done, Mozenrath whipped the shirt back onto himself, like he had taken off his own skin.

"Who..." Sadira began, gesturing towards where the wounds where.

Mozenrath looked away in reply.

Another silence passed between the two of them, but it was different. There was a different tone to it – regret, guilt, secrecy, and silent hatred emanating from Mozenrath. Sadira sighed and sat beside him. She looked towards Agrabah to see a dark cloud had engulfed the city.

"Is that cloud from the spell?" Sadira asked. It was a pitiful probe at provoking him into conversation.

"Obviously," Mozenrath said, "The spirit of the Viper must surround all of its prey for it to work. Everything within that city should be dead within a few days or so,"

Sadira twiddled her thumbs, "…um…" She looked around, "I think we're pretty lost,"

"We're on the outskirts of Agrabah, in the Second Desert,"

"I know, but…" Sadira pointed to the carpet. "I don't have enough magick to make it fly,"

Mozenrath's eyebrow twitched. His self-doubt and slow cooking anger came to a boil, as he yelled at Sadira, "…you mean…you…_marooned me in this gods-forsaken desert_?"

Sadira made a face, "Hey! I'm stuck here too!"

"Lost? Lost in sandy place?" Xerxes chirped.

"Shut up, Xerxes," Mozenrath growled.

"Don't take out your anger on the ugly thing just because you're mad," Sadira snorted.

"I'm mad because I'm stuck in the desert with no food, no water, no shelter with an amateur sorceress!"

Sadira had had enough with the insults and her temper burned as well, "This 'amateur' saved your stupid life!"

"Just so that I can die in the desert!"

A day of fighting and bickering hadn't tired out their mouths, so Sadira and Mozenrath argued well until sunset was closing in, until Sadira called it to a call.

"Shut up! _Shut up!_ **_Shut up!_** I'm _trying_ to think!" Sadira yelled as loud as she could, dominating Mozenrath's voice. She took a deep breath and looked at Mozenrath, "Okay – you and I are both stuck here in the desert together. You are out of magick. I barely have any magick. We have no food, no water, no shelter, and no way out of here for today. We won't recharge until the sun's up again…which is tomorrow morning and I don't see any villages or cities nearby,"

"Agrabah is the only place here," Mozenrath said, "The next place is a village and that's a two day travel,"

"How far away is your palace?" Sadira asked.

Mozenrath looked at her; "Do you have any idea who I _am_?" Sadira blinked. "You have no idea?" Sadira blinked again. Mozenrath sighed, "I'm Lord Mozenrath – ruler of the Realm of Black Sands!"

"Oh." Sadira said. She blinked again, "…that's kind of far,"

"Far? _Far_? **_It's on the other side of the world!" _**Mozenrath yelled.

"_Shut up!_ I'm still thinking!" Sadira yelled again.

"Think, think, thinky, think," Xerxes said.

"What _is_ this ugly thing that's always around you?" Sadira asked Mozenrath, pointing to Xerxes.

Mozenrath looked at Xerxes, "Honestly, I have no idea. I was summoning one day and I got _this_. Of course I was still practicing then,"

"Whatever," Sadira sighed, "My place is at least three day's away by foot so we're going to have to camp out for tonight. It's almost night anyway,"

"And how do you suppose we're going to 'camp out' without a _tent_?" Mozenrath said.

Sadira eyed the tent.

The spot wasn't very roomy, but it would have to do for the night. Sadira managed to dig out a large whole in a sand dune and cover the entrance with the carpet, as so to block out any sad that may come whizzing inside. There was little room, so Mozenrath and Sadira were squashed up against each other – both to their disliking (Xerxes had been forced outside because ugly eel-things aren't permitted in tent areas).

"You're kicking me," Mozenrath said.

"I am not," Sadira said.

"You are," Mozenrath said.

"Am not,"

"Are too,"

"Am not,"

This argument went on for a while until Sadira cast a quick light spell to give them a little light. It had to be early in the evening, but it was dark in the tent. She looked at Mozenrath – who looked ghoulish in the small lighting.

"So what's your problem with Aladdin?" Sadira asked.

Mozenrath looked at her; "Do I have one?"

"Well, _duh_," Sadira snorted, "You're Mozenrath! Everybody knows about you and always bringing trouble to Agrabah. You're one of the few that actually stand out, and anyway – you're sort of important in the sorcery community,"

"That _is_ true," Mozenrath said, with a self-pleasing smile, "I am well known for my destruction and my sorcery skills are unmatched,"

"And your ego is bigger than this desert…" Sadira murmured.

Mozenrath made a face, "What was that?"

Sadira smiled innocently, "Nothing," She changed the subject, "But you're avoiding the answer,"

"Who says I have to answer to you?" Mozenrath said.

"Who says I'm not above tossing you out of this tent right now?"

Mozenrath snorted, "I wish to conquer things and Aladdin gets in my way. It's as simple as that. I have no big plans to destroy or remake Agrabah or the like; I just want to rule the Seven Deserts. And you?"

"I tried to steal him from his girlfriend," Sadira said.

Mozenrath blinked, "…that's _it_?"

Sadira made a face, "What do you mean _'that's it'_?"

"At least I had some sort of motive for being Aladdin's adversary but you're just being a pest,"

"This coming from the guy who wanted to just rule the Seven Deserts for no apparent reason!"

"I have a reason,"

"What?"

"Because I want to,"

"That's not a reason! It's an _excuse_!"

Mozenrath rolled his eyes; "You have no understanding of my _true_ motives – not that I would share it with the likes of _you_,"

Sadira clenched her teeth – she was getting a headache just from arguing with this guy, "Do you know that you are about as shallow _as water in the desert_?"

"There's no water in a desert, genius,"

"_Exactly_!"

Sadira ceased the light spell and decided that this would be the best time to get some sleep. It took about a minute or so for Mozenrath to fully understand the insult.

"_Hey…"_ Mozenrath growled.

"Shut up. I'm sleeping," answered Sadira, "And if you do anything I am not above harming you more than you already are,"

"Who would want to feel on a midget?" Mozenrath murmured.

Sadira kicked him in the stomach. Slowly, Mozenrath drifted off to sleep and found himself back in the realm of mist.

_Mozenrath looked around and realized he was in for trouble. _

_"Hey! It's me again!" waved the Inner Teenager, who popped up out of nowhere. _

_"Not you again," Mozenrath growled, "What do you want?" _

_"I would just like to say 'nice going'!" said the Inner Teenager, "You managed to destroy Agrabah and now you're snuggled up against a cute girl!" _

_"I don't snuggle, and I have no…" Mozenrath answered. He gagged, "…interest…in that girl and I never will," _

_"What's wrong with her?" asked the Inner Teenager. _

_"She's a midget," _

_"She's petite," _

_"And she's half my age," _

_"Age is nothing but a number," _

_"And she's…obnoxious!" _

_"So you two don't get along – what's a perfect relationship? Sure, there's bound to be a few bumps along the way but we are stuck with her in the desert for a few good days and after all that time together–" The Inner Teenager nudged Mozenrath with a big smile. "Get my drift?"_

_"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Mozenrath yelled, feeling the blood rush to his face. _

_"Hey, easy on the yelling, friend! I'm just here for motivation," said the Inner Teenager. He looked stern, "Remember – sex or naked Mirage. What's it going to be?"_

_Mozenrath felt like strangling him – if the Inner Teenager wasn't a figment of his mind._

…and then he woke up, feeling just as irritated.


	9. the gods come calling

_If you people forgot who Fashir was, please go type it into google. I am not explaining again and it's kind of essential that you know. – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter nine: "the gods come calling" **

Mozenrath sat up, feeling hot and sticky from the dry desert and humidity air all around him. His eyes were half-open – the eyelids felt scratchy and he realized there must be sand in them. He tried to raise his hand and wipe it out but found there was a weight on his arm. He opened his eyes more and more and realized that Sadira was latched onto him.

He tried to shake her off but she wouldn't budge. He tried to push her off but there were too problems – she was too heavy and he was too tired at the moment.

"Hey! Hey, wake up!" Mozenrath said. Sadira was deep in sleep. Mozenrath shook her, "Get off of me! I am not your pillow!"

Sadira's eyes fluttered open. She looked at him with a daze in her eyes, "…mmm…Aladdin?"

"_WHAT_?" Mozenrath yelled, "Do I look like _Aladdin_ to you?"

"Kinda…with the hair and eyes…" Sadira said with a yawn, rubbing her eyes. She realized she how close she was to Mozenrath, "…oh, it's _you_,"

She quickly moved away from Mozenrath and snorted. She was having the most beautiful dream – about Aladdin quickly dumping Jasmine and she was the beautiful queen and sorceress of Agrabah and Mozenrath was a jester who had to speak in rhyme at all times or he would be fed to the carnivorous goldfish that lived in the pond. Such a _great_ dream…

Mozenrath was beginning to wonder who irritated him the most at this point in his life – Mirage, the Inner Teenager, Xerxes, the Mamluks, Aladdin, or this obnoxious girl that seemed to plague his life? He noticed sunlight peeking from behind the carpet and stepped outside to see that it was dawn. He let out a deep breath and sat on the sand, slowly feeling recharged, and wondering what he would do next.

"Nice to see that you're still alive," said a voice. Mozenrath looked up to see Mirage was standing over him.

"What do you want?" Mozenrath growled.

"Oh, I can't care about my one and only kitten?" purred the cat-goddess.

"You never cared unless you wanted something," Mozenrath answered.

"Don't say that, Mozenrath. I gave you your powers back after that mishap with that talking book, didn't I?" asked the cat-goddess.

Mozenrath looked her in the face – Mirage…she looked hurt for a change. He didn't care. She could have all the human emotions she wanted now. He didn't care anymore for them.

Mozenrath paused, _"…what do you want?"_

"Nothing, nothing, at all…" mused Mirage; "…I'm just stopping by to see how you're doing,"

Mozenrath made a face at her, "Mirage, you never cared about me before and yet I'm seeing you more and more often. Why's that? Did the other gods finally _banish_ you from sleeping around with everybody's husband?"

Mirage looked towards the carpet, where Sadira was still behind, "She's a beautiful girl, but I'm sure you're aware of that. If you stay with her, she'll bring you nothing but happiness,"

Mozenrath glared at her, "…are you _following_ me?"

He realized Mirage was gone – faded away just like namesake.

"Are you talking to yourself?" Sadira asked. She stepped out of the makeshift tent and dragged the carpet away from the dugout. Mozenrath gave her no reply and Sadira snorted, "Well, I suppose we'll be going our own ways now that you're fully charged…"

Mozenrath paused, "…there is a slight problem with your plan,"

"Oh what now?" Sadira groaned.

"You're forgetting that I am the lord of the Realm of Black Sand," Mozenrath said.

"So?" Sadira asked.

"My realm is on the other side of the world," Mozenrath said.

"So?" Sadira scoffed. She laid the carpet out and prepared to cast the flight spell, "Just teleport out!"

"I can not," Mozenrath admitted. He was biting his tongue so hard he could feel the blood swishing around.

"'Can not?'"

"I can not teleport out,"

Sadira laughed – a high pitched girlish laughter, "What kind of prissy rich boy says_ 'can not'_?"

Mozenrath was fighting back anger. He was on the verge of insulting that irritable midget girl, "Shut up and listen to me. Every sorcerer knows that you need three things for a teleportation spell to work properly: the magick, the location of where you are at the present time, and the location of the place were you are going to be,"

Sadira looked at him, "So?"

Mozenrath lost his patience at this point, "So? _So_? I can not teleport out of here because I do not know where I am and there is a very high chance that I will end up teleporting into a tree and dying a very painful death!"

A silence passed between them.

"Wait a minute…" Sadira said, a crafty smile grew on her face, "…you're asking for my help, aren't you?"

Mozenrath growled, "I am not," _'You are,'_ his brain replied, but his pride had control of his mouth.

"Yes, you are," said Sadira.

"No, I am not," Mozenrath answered. _'Yes, you are,'_ his brain said, _'you are asking for her help because you have no way of getting out this desert alive without some assistance, even though you hate admitting it, Mozenrath, because you have way too much pride and it condescends to you to ask for help…even when you need it,'_

Mozenrath hated his brain sometimes – it was good for hatching schemes and plots, but it could be his worst enemy in situations where his pride and his brain fought over crucial decisions.

"Well, well, well…" Sadira said, cackling a little to herself with a big smirk on her face, "I see the tides have changed. You need my help," She laughed and threw her head in the air – just like an uppity aristocrat. "And why should I – Sadira, the most powerful sorceress and ruler of the Land of Seven Fair Dragons – help you?"

Mozenrath blinked and his brain actually helped in his answer to Sadira's challenge: "Because there are bandits and killers and psychopaths hidden away in the desert and you know as well as I do that there is safety in numbers. Also, you are not as powerful as I am and you'd be killed in a second…or worse,"

This statement of the obvious rained on Sadira's parading mood.

"Gods, I hate you," Sadira growled.

"And I hate you as well," Mozenrath answered, "but as long as we're stuck here, we have to work together. I am not planning on dying because of some mishap as idiotic as this,"

"Shut up," Sadira groaned and chanted the flight spell.

With those two words, the second most unlikely sorcerers to team-up (the first was Jafar and Destane, who beat Sadira and Mozenrath by a long-shot) decided to work together – even though they both hated it, hated it each, hated the idea, and hated the situation altogether and knew it would be a miserable existence for the both of them until they parted – traveled on a magick carpet through the dusty and empty desert.

"Gods, its hot as the Seven Hells…" Sadira grumbled. She was sweating and sand was sticking to her clothes. She would give all her spells and scrolls for a nice oasis.

"Whine all you want," Mozenrath scoffed, "_you're_ not the one in a cape and long pants,"

"You sorcerers dress so _ridiculous_!" Sadira said, with a teasing laugh, "I mean – you where all of these gloves and hats and capes and long shirts and don't even seem to realize that we live in a _desert_ and at noon it's boiling hotin the _shade_!"

"We dress to fight, that is why we're covered," Mozenrath answered, "and as for you sorceresses wear very _little_ and you don't seem to realize that we live in a desert and you can get sunburned from exposing so much skin,"

Of course the argument was true on both sides. Sorcerers wore too much and sorceress wore too little but that was the way it was – whether it was nature or fashion or sex appeal. Still, the argument about clothing continued until a new argument sprung up and that was how Mozenrath and Sadira talked to each other – through long arguments about things that didn't matter very much to regular people.

"Sweet gods and goddesses from above!" Sadira suddenly squealed, breaking off from her argument with Mozenrath about how sorceresses were weaker because they were female and how sorcerers were weaker because they only thought about using their magic sex and nothing else.

Right in front of them was a small oasis – thin palm trees, a little grass, and there was a pool of crystal clear water that Sadira had her eyes on.

"Finally! _Water_!" Sadira cried. She jumped off the carpet and ran towards the pool, splashed water onto her face. It was a cool refresher compared to the harsh conditions of the desert she had been faced with for almost two days now.

_'How many more days do I have to spend with this philistine girl?'_ Mozenrath thought.

'Philistine' would probably be the improper word here – perhaps 'il-bred' or 'savage'. He had been expecting that she was a lowborn peasant girl and the more time he spent with her, the more he was sure about this fact. Her looks were also another clue – unlike other sorceresses, who preferred to pass themselves off as royalty, this girl dressed normal.

She wore a cape, earrings, silver armbands, a dress that didn't show too much leg –

_'Wait…why am I directing my thoughts towards her all of a sudden?'_ Mozenrath realized. He stood up and stretched. His leg had fallen asleep from the long ride on the carpet, _'I should be focusing my attention to more important matters. Like those cat creatures that were in the palace for one thing and–'_

"She's a very modest dresser, don't you think?" said a voice.

Mozenrath froze. He knew that voice. That monotone, deep, masculine voice that was filled with a strange supernatural power. He made a face and turned to see Fashir standing in front of him.

"Fashir," Mozenrath grumbled.

"It is good to see you recognize me, Mozenrath, after all this time," Fashir said.

"I'm upset that I do," Mozenrath commented.

Meanwhile, Sadira was attempting to wash her clothes (while wearing her underclothes, so that that annoying sorcerer wouldn't ogle her) when she glanced over at Mozenrath to see he was talking to himself again.

_'What a crazy…'_ Sadira thought and tried to wash a stain out of her dress.

Fashir let out a sigh; "Things have changed for the both of us, Mozenrath–"

"What do you want?" Mozenrath demanded, "You never came unless you wanted,"

"I am different from, Mirage, Mozenrath," said Fashir.

"No. No, you're not. You're just like her…" Mozenrath answered.

"I can sense your emotions, Mozenrath," said Fashir, after a pause, "and I can read your thoughts. Is my presence here upsetting you?"

"Shut…just shut up, Fashir…" Mozenrath murmured. _'Of course I'm upset around you, you stupid blind bastard,'_ Mozenrath thought, _'You can see the future and a thousand different things but you can't even see what's right in front of you…'_

"I don't need sight to sense your emotions," Fashir said, "Your anger, your hatred, your frustration, your sorrow, your–"

"Shut up," Mozenrath growled again, "Just because you're a god or an entity or whatever the hell you are doesn't mean I'll…"

"Down to business then," said Fashir, suddenly, sensing danger, "I suggest you stay away from that girl. She'll bring you nothing but sorrow,"

Then Fashir was gone, leaving Mozenrath puzzled and fairly angry from his presence - no matter how short it was. Mozenrath muttered several curses in Fashir's name – feeling more irritated that before.

_'Stupid Fashir and his stupid knowledge and his stupid…stupidity!'_ Mozenrath thought. He was fuming, '_Who does he think he is? Just coming and meddling around in my life – he's worse than Mirage!'_

At this point, he realized something.

"Wait a minute…" Mozenrath realized, putting a thoughtful hand to his chin, "…Mirage and Fashir are immortals. They've got other things bigger to worry about than lives or other things…so why are they so interested in my life all of a sudden when they had no time for me before?"

And most of all…why were they interested in _Sadira _of all people?

"Hey, weirdo!" called Sadira, "Are you done talking to yourself yet?"

Mozenrath turned around and looked to see she was wading in the pool. She was dripping wet. Everything on her was wet – her clothes, her hair, her skin looking so soft…so…moist and…shiny…and…her clothes were…clinging and…see through and…hair…wet…

"Why is Mozenrath's face all red?" asked Xerxes.

That stupid comment was enough to snap Mozenrath out the trance he had suddenly been under.

"What are you staring at?" Sadira asked, stepping out of the water and walking over to the now crimson-faced Mozenrath.

"….uh…erm…I…" Mozenrath murmured. He was tongue-tied and his heart was thumping in his chest. _'Say something you idiot! Say something intelligent!'_ his pride screamed. _'Nope, not going to work. He's aroused,'_ said his brain, _'And that means he can't think right now,'_

"What's wrong with you?" Sadira asked.

All Mozenrath could do was turn away and walk back to the carpet and not look Sadira in the eye as they rode on the carpet. He would rather die than relive that embarrassment again.

_'Well, you blew it,'_ said his pride. _'It's not his fault!'_ argued the brain, _'Blame his endocrine system,'_ _'She was hot, wet, and female! What's the problem?'_ answered the endocrine.

'I must be dehydrated…' Mozenrath thought, '…because I think my nuts are speaking to me,'

* * *

_I know, I know - it's kind of a stretch to have Mozenrath's body parts speaking to him but I think three things are involved when you fall in love: brain, personality, and your natural urges. But r__emember children: always have the proper equipment before speaking to your testicles. You can hurt yourself doing that.- Zerosoul_


	10. VENASG

_I would like to send a big thanks to the Internet – for without it's vast knowledge this chapter wouldn't be as awesome…because I was forced to look each and every 'Aladdin' villain and it wasn't fun because there sure are a helluva lot. – Zerosoul_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter ten: "VENASG"**

When Sadira was a little girl – she had always hoped and dreamed that she would marry a handsome prince that would cart her away from the lowly and cold life of an orphan wretch and bathe her in happiness and jewelry and anything else she could think of. Of course, years had demolished this dream and soon a new dream of being a powerful sorceress was erected in its place, but still, the dream remained even though reality had sunk it.

Sadira knew the facts: She was a peasant. She was aggressive and always took what she wanted and didn't bother waiting like a proper lady should. She had been a street-rat and still acted like it. She had no magic blue genie, no monkey, no parrot, no magic carpet that was her friend, and no Cave of Wonders. All she had was her spells, a wit to survive, and schooling from the academy of hard knocks.

'_He was blushing,' _Sadira realized and this was what brought up her thoughts and her dreams.

It was barely dusk. Mozenrath and her were sitting by a fire. They had found a rocky valley – which was cooler than the dry, hot desert – and set up camp for the night in there. Low winds blew in it, but there was nothing to shield them since all they had was a carpet. Mozenrath and Sadira sat on the carpet – next to each other but distance between them.

'_It was hot though,' _Sadira thought, _'he was probably flushed from the heat,' _

And with that thought, Sadira ruled out the idea of Mozenrath being attracted to her.

"This place is a wasteland," Mozenrath finally commented, "There's nothing out here. No villages, no homes, no _civilization_–"

"No food…" whined Xerxes.

"You're an animal. You can gohunt for food," Sadira said.

"Xerxes never hunts," Mozenrath said, "Animals see him as _prey_ more than _predator_,"

Sadira's stomach growled. She eyed Xerxes – times of starving in the streets of Agrabah caused her to not be choosy about what she ate as long as it was food and not poisonous. Xerxes whimpered when he saw Sadira and hid behind Mozenrath.

"Don't even _think_ about it," Mozenrath growled, "This is my only lackey. Go eat something else,"

"_What_ else?" Sadira grumbled, "There's nothing _out_ here,"

"I'm sure there's a lizard or a scorpion somewhere," Mozenrath commented. He was feeling hunger pains too, but he could wait out longer. Unlike Sadira, _he_ was a picky eater.

Sadira concentrated on the fire. She yawned and looked at Mozenrath, "Let me use your cape,"

"My _cape_?" Mozenrath asked.

"Yeah, your cape. You're not using it," Sadira said.

"I am using it," Mozenrath said. It was getting cold – minute by minute – as it always did in the desert after the sun was down. Extreme heat and extreme cold – that was desert life. He was wrapped up in his cloak, trying to keep warm, and he wasn't about to share.

"Well, we can share! It's big enough for the _two_ of us!" Sadira said.

"I don't think so," Mozenrath said, "and you have your own cape. Why not use yours?"

"Because mine isn't warm and as big as yours! Mine is more…you know…_decorative_,"

The idea of Sadira being close to him…as they shared the cape as a blanket…being so close…so warm…so _soft_…and…so…He felt blood rush back to his face and looked away from Sadira as he could feel his heart starting to quicken in pace.

"I don't like being touched," Mozenrath murmured.

'_Is he _blushing_ again…?' _Sadira thought. She couldn't see well, because Mozenrath was hiding his face and the lighting was poor. She folded her arms, "Oh, don't start that again! I'm giving you free transportation! The least you could do is offer me your cape! Didn't anyone ever teach you how treat a lady?"

Mozenrath looked Sadira up and down, "_What_ lady?"

Five miles away, a man in the shadows stated to his companions that he had heard shouting come from the valley. His companions ignored him.

Five miles back, Mozenrath was nursing a black eye and Sadira was happily snuggled in his cape (which she took from him after she punched him in the eye).

'_What ever possessed me to say that?' _Mozenrath thought.

Times like this make him wish he had learned about that time travelling spell so that he could prevent problems like this. He tugged at his cape and sat next to Sadira, feeling to cold coming on, but he couldn't sleep. Sadira was too close and it was hard to distance himself from her when they had to share the space of the cape.

'_Note to self: bigger cape,' _Mozenrath thought.

He was still red-faced and this situation was making the blushing worse. Not only that but now he was nervous to add onto it. Soon, the fire died out and Sadira and him were left in the dark. Sadira had apparently fallen asleep.

'_That girl could sleep through Armageddon,'_ he thought. He was a light sleeper.

After some hours of staring in the dark, counting sheep backwards and forwards, and other stupid attempts to try and focus on other things besides his beating heart and the touch of Sadira's skin against his own, although her back was turned to him.

A twig snapped and something moved in the bushes.

Mozenrath stirred – fully awake again just when drowsiness had begun to settle in. He heard light footsteps coming towards them. He braced himself for a fight when Sadira began to wake up, muttering something to herself. She sat up and looked around and – like Mozenrath – realized they weren't alone.

"Why does this always happen when I'm sleeping?" Sadira grumbled.

Mozenrath scoffed and murmured a fire spell. The dead fire flared up with light and the intruders were bathed in an orange-red glow. The intruders hissed and drew back like something out of a H.G. Wells novel. They were ragged, strange looking figures.

"What _are_ they?" whispered Sadira, "They look like mole people,"

"I don't think so," said Mozenrath, "They look more like homeless men…" Upon further inspection, he recognized some of them. "Abis Mal? Mechanicles?"

"You _know_ the mole people?" asked Sadira.

"They're _not_ mole-people," Mozenrath said, "they're men who attacked Agrabah,"

"Gods! It's Mozenrath!" said Abis Mal. He hadn't changed over the years. Still short, ugly, and dumb as he ever was, but ragged like the rest of them. He peered over; "…with…some _prostitute_ apparently…"

Sadira chose this moment to zap the man with lightning. Abis Mal laid on the ground, his body twitching every few minutes.

"That's madam _sorceress_, you blundering idiot," Sadira huffed. She folded her arms, "Now somebody better tell me what's going on before I decide to cast that spell again,"

"Fear not!" stated Mechanicles; "We are nothing but a humble group of homeless men,"

"_Obviously_," said Mozenrath.

"But our saviors have come!" said Mechanicles. He turned to the other men, "_Rejoice_!"

"_Huzzah_!" chanted the man in cult-fashion.

"Saviors…?" said Xerxes.

"Yes, you ugly little eel-thing – our saviors!" said Mechanicles, turning to Mozenrath and Sadira.

"Since when were we saviors?" asked Sadira.

"Why, you've done what _we_ couldn't do!" said Mechanicles.

"You've destroyed Agrabah at last!" said one.

"Conquered Aladdin and left him for dead!" said another.

"Killed the annoying Genie!" said one more.

"Well, it's wasn't like _that_," said Sadira.

"Come and revel with us in the spoils of victory!" said Mechanicles, "We have food, drink, wine, water, entertainment – anything for our saviors!"

Mozenrath and Sadira looked at each other.

"What _kind_ of food?" Mozenrath asked.

* * *

Mechanicles and Abis Mal (who soon recovered from the electric shock) led their two saviors deep into the rocky valley to reveal a secret passageway underground. It was a series of caverns and it had been dug away and chipped to make a small city. There were even little shops and homes. Sadira and Mozenrath both looked around. 

"What _is_ this place?" Sadira asked.

"Why it's the place for all members of **VENASG**!" said Abis Mal.

"Vensnag?" asked Xerxes.

"What's a 'vensnag'?" asked Mozenrath.

"Sounds like some sort of animal or fruit…" Sadira speculated.

"No, no, no!" said Mechanicles, "Not 'vensnag', '**VENASG**'! It's an acronym for **V**illains, **E**nemies, and/or **N**emeses of **A**grabah **S**upport **G**roup. After Aladdin finished defeating all of us – we had no place to go, so I started this place up to help fellow villains and villainesses,"

There was a lot of old enemies of Agrabah down in the caves. Although Sadira didn't recognize most of them, Mozenrath did. There was Frajhid the Ice Efreet (melted and hopping around in a bucket of water), Haroud (who was peeling the dead skin off of Abis Mal), various Imps, Caliph Kapok (who was still just a head), and various others.

"I am pleased at our savior's presence but I have one question for you, Mozenrath," said Mechanicles, "I heard you lost your powers and your citadel collapsed years ago…so what are you still doing here?"

Mozenrath glared at him. _"…none of your business,"_ He said in a poisonous tone.

Sadira, in the meantime, had found food and water and was enjoying herself.

"Who's the chick?" asked Abis Mal.

"An annoyance," said Mozenrath.

"Well, we have rooms and anything else our saviors want!" interrupted Mechanicles. He smiled, "Just tell me again – how did you destroy Agrabah?"

"In truth, it was an _accident_…" Mozenrath said.

* * *

Sadira settled down into the soft bed. After spending time sleeping on nothing but a thin carpet, it was a nice change. 

"I still don't see _why_ we have to _share_ a room," Mozenrath said.

Sadira and Mozenrath were sharing a small room. Their beds were across from each other. There was a small window in the upper corner of the room letting in dull moonlight.

"You think I'm _thrilled_ about it either?" answered Sadira. She looked at him, "I would rather gag than have to spend another night with _you_ but there's only so much space in an underground cavern!"

"The feeling is mutual, midget," said Mozenrath.

At hearing this, Sadira jumped from her bed to Mozenrath's and whacked him with a pillow. Mozenrath, who was expecting the attack, received it.

"I am not a _midget_! I am _petite_, you stupid pretty boy!" Sadira yelled, standing on the bed.

"Stop _calling_ me that!" Mozenrath said, whacking her right back with his pillow, "Everyone already has the wrong idea about us!"

"_What_ wrong idea?" asked Sadira, smacking him again. She gagged, "Oh gods…they can't _possibly_ think I'm attracted to _you_!"

"And they can't think I'm attracted to you either!" Mozenrath said, smacking her again, "I would rather die than sleep with you!"

"I would rather have a black plague than sleep with you either!" Sadira answered.

The argument shifted from a very violent pillow fight to "I-can-top-that" challenge. In the room next door, a villainess named Fatima was plucking her eyebrow and thinking, _'What an abusive relationship…' _Back in the room, Mozenrath and Sadira were still arguing.

"Why do you _insist_ on arguing with me day and night?" Mozenrath demanded.

"_WHAT_! You _started_ it!" Sadira said.

"I am tired of bickering with you like a child," Mozenrath answered, "so get _off_ of _my_ bed so that I can sleep!" Sadira snorted and stuck out her tongue at Mozenrath. "Oh, _that's_ mature…" he grumbled.

"I may not be mature but I know how to have fun, Mr. Sourpuss!" Sadira replied and laid down on her bed.

Mozenrath would have protested but that would have started a whole new argument and he didn't have the energy at the moment. He laid down and soon feel asleep.

"_Hey, buddy!" said the Inner Teenager, "How's the hottie going?" _

_Mozenrath turned to see the Inner Teenager floating around in the blank-space of the dream he was in. Mozenrath grumbled something and sat down in the mist. _

"_That woman irritates me," Mozenrath said, "and she drains me of all my energy," _

"_Love will do that to you," answered the Inner Teenager. He was humming a happy tune. Mozenrath hated happy tunes. He also hated the Inner Teenager and those pictures of Mirage that were blackmailing him. He hated the whole situation. _

"_We are complete opposites," said Mozenrath, "we'll _never_ get along," _

"_Don't be glum!" said the Inner Teenager; "All you need to do is find something you have in common! C'mon! Name at least one thing!" _

"_There is nothing," Mozenrath answered. _

"_Aw, don't be _pathetic_!" said the Inner Teenager. He sighed and began the list: "You're both into magic, for one thing. You both know Aladdin…" _

"_**Used** to know him," Mozenrath corrected. _

"…_and you destroyed Agrabah together! You two make quite a team! Maybe if you guys should pair up and destroy some more civilizations!" said the Inner Teenager, "Not to mention that you're being worshipped for desturction right in this cozy spot! Why not throw a party, drink some wine, sleep with her –"_

"_I will do **no such thing!**" Mozenrath yelled. _

"_Hey, buddy, it's **your** funeral," said the Inner Teenager. He looked serious, "Just remember who's got the pictures," _

_Mozenrath growled, "…I…**hate**…you!" _

Mozenrath woke up and it was dawn again. He grumbled and squeezed his eyes shut – he could sense a headache coming on.

* * *

_Will Mozenrath talk to Sadira? Will the Inner Teenager force him to relive the horror of the naked Mirage pictures? Will he ever get laid? Why am I asking you this? - Zerosoul_


	11. the meaning of panchira

_(insert random insanity) – Zerosoul _

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter eleven: "the meaning of pan-chira" **

Mozenrath looked across the room to see Sadira waking up. She appeared to be just wrestling out of a dream. She groaned and grumbled and finally twisted and woke up.

"What's _your_ problem?" Mozenrath asked.

Sadira grumbled. It was the standard nightmare that she got from time to time. She looked at Mozenrath, "What do _you_ care?"

Mozenrath snorted. Sadira grumbled again and stood up to go find a place to wash up, exiting the room. _'And _I'm_ supposed to be the sour one?' _he thought.

"You _were_ always cranky," said Mirage.

Mozenrath made a face and looked at the cat goddess, who was sitting on the end of the bed. She was cleaning her claws and preening her neat fur.

"_You_ again?" Mozenrath grumbled, "Why are you following me?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," said Mirage. She looked sad, "I'm not allowed to see my little kitten once in a while?"

"You never wanted to see me before," Mozenrath said.

"Why do you hate me?" Mirage asked.

"Because I _can_," said Mozenrath, "and because you don't know hate, or love, or appreciation, or anything because you're immortal and I'm wondering why you or Fashir won't leave me alone,"

Mirage's looks darkened for a moment, "You saw _Fashir_?"

"I didn't see him. He came to me," Mozenrath said, "And he was interested in the midget, just like you," He glared at Mirage. "Why are you both so interested in her?"

Mirage turned her attention towards the door, "We are being watched," She focused on the door and it swung open and she smiled at Mozenrath and disappeared.

Sadira fell on the ground. Mozenrath bristled with rage at her presence.

"You were _spying_ on me," Mozenrath growled.

Sadira snorted and stood up. Her hair was wet and there was a towel by her side, "You're always talking to yourself,"

"I'm talking to someone," Mozenrath said.

"Who?" Sadira asked. She smiled, "Your imaginary friend?"

"More of an imaginary _fiend_," answered Mozenrath. He knew as well as anybody else that Fashir and Mirage would only make themselves visible if they wanted to be seen, but all they were having were private conversations.

Sadira debated if he was joking or if he was insane. Either or, she decided to humor him. She sat on her bed and dried her hair with the towel; "Does your _fiend_ have a name?"

"Mirage," answered Mozenrath.

At hearing the name, Sadira paused, "…Mirage? Aladdin used to say there was a cat woman who used to pester him named 'Mirage'…"

"I suppose it would be the same one then," said Mozenrath. Mirage's visits weren't as bad as Fashir's but they put him in a bad mood.

Now here Sadira would have replied but the cavern jolted. Both Sadira and Mozenrath stumbled off the bed and fell onto the ground.

"Quake?" asked Xerxes.

"I don't think so…" Mozenrath said. He realized Sadira was lying on top of him. He pushed her off, "I am _not_ your bed!"

Sadira kicked him, "Don't push me you idiot! I fell off! I didn't mean to fall onto you!" She heard the sound of thunder coming from up above and dust fell from the rocky ceiling. She looked towards the window in the upper corner. "I think there's something going on up there!" She looked at Mozenrath. "Give me a boost!"

Mozenrath stood up, "…what?"

"Oh, come on! You can't be _that_ stupid!" Sadira said. She pointed to the window; "I need to stand on your shoulders so I can see what's happening outside!"

Mozenrath made a face, "I am not your stool _either_!"

"You're such a baby!" Sadira said, "All I need is you to pick me up!"

'_You're not her slave boy!' _protested his pride _'I'd like to know what's going on too and there's no way she can pick you up since you can't reach it either,'_ said the brain. . _'Hey, buddy, I've got four words for you: she's wearing a skirt,' _said the endocrine system.

The brain and the endocrine system won out.

"Just this once…" Mozenrath grumbled.

"Okay, it'll just take a sec…" said Sadira.

Years of being a thief had made Sadira nimble and pretty close to being completely lightweight but Mozenrath wasn't used to carrying people and on top of that, the touching was making him nervous and sapping his strength. Sadira stood on his shoulder while he stood nearby the window.

"You better not look up my skirt!" Sadira said.

"Just shut up and look out the window," Mozenrath muttered, blushing.

Sadira peered out the window and looked. It was bright and sunny out and the craggy walls of the valley were more than visibile to her. She looked around to see what might have caused the jolt.

"I can't see anything…" Sadira murmured.

'_I feel ridiculous,'_ Mozenrath thought. _'Look up her skirt! Its there and she'll never know!' _screamed the endocrine system. He made a face, _'And I wish my nuts would stop talking to me,' _

"Wait, I see something!" Sadira said, "It's…a bunch of guys…on camels or horses I think…no, it's both! Okay, it's a bunch of tattooed guys…oh, there's a girl…on horses and camels and…they've got swords…and their eyes are covered…"

Mozenrath would have answered to this but while rolling his eyes at the pathetic screams of his testicles, he accidentally looked up Sadira's skirt and his eyes were locked in his sockets observing Sadira's panties.

"They look like assassins or something to me…" Sadira said, "…maybe guards or something…oh, they look kind of mean…"

'_They look like a shade of red to me…' _Mozenrath thought, _'...maybe vermilion or something…oh, they have sequins…' _

"Oh, look, there's Mechanicles out there, trying to be social," Sadira sighed, "That poor fairy boy, I think they're going to chop him to bits now,"

'_Oh, look, there's some sort of design on there – trying to be fancy,' _Mozenrath thought, _'That annoying midget, I think she's trying to voyeur or something,' _

"Well…he's running now," said Sadira. She looked down at Mozenrath, "What do you think? They look like palace guards or something to me,"

Mozenrath blinked, "…huh? What now?"

"Hey!" Sadira yelled, "You _were_ looking up my skirt, you pig!"

"I was _not_!" Mozenrath protested. He blushed even more because he realized he had been caught in the act.

"I saw you looking up, you stupid jerk!" Sadira yelled, "Just look at your face!"

"I was not–_WHOA_!" Mozenrath began.

Another jolt happened and Sadira and Mozenrath tumbled onto the ground.

"Quick!" panted Mechanicles, running into the room at this unfortunately chosen moment, "We all have to evacuate the entire city! The All-Seeing Eye Cult is here to…" He paused and looked at Sadira and Mozenrath. "Am I _interrupting_ something between you two?"

The two magicians were caught in a very interesting position involving two numbers. Mozenrath pushed Sadira off of him.

"It's _not_ what it looks like!" Mozenrath yelled, blushing furiously.

"Speak for _yourself_!" Sadira said, getting off the ground, "_You_ were the one looking up my dress!"

Mechanicles was ripping his hair out, "You two can have your lover's quarrel at another time! The All-Seeing Eye Cult is here and they're going to kill us all if we don't run out! They're going to storm the city any minute!"

"We are _not_ lovers!" yelled Sadira.

Mozenrath had more important things to worry about; "…did you say the All-Seeing Eye?"

"Yes!" Mechanicles yelled, "They're going to kill us! We have to leave!"

Mozenrath clenched his fist. _'Fashir's followers are here – and out for blood, no doubt,' _Mozenrath thought. He looked at Sadira; "We have to leave…_now_,"

"Why? I've never heard of this cult," Sadira said, "They're probably just impersonators or travelling actors,"

"They're no hoax," Mozenrath said, "They're killers and they're sorcerers. They'll kill everyone here if they get in. They must be causing the quakes to crack open the valley,"

Another jolt went through the entire room and a crack formed in the ceiling.

"We have to leave," Mozenrath said, looking at the gigantic crack and paling, "…_now_,"

"Yes...let's," Sadira said, looking at the crack as well.

* * *

Using the magic carpet to speed away from the valley was a good decision, considering how it was faster than the camels Mechanicles had offered as travel. They escaped through a secret passageway and shot out of the valley. Only after entering the cavern city did the various members of the All-Seeing Eye realize that their prey was gone. 

"Hey…didn't we see two people and an eel come out of the caves before we got in here?" suggested one, "We should probably go after them,"

The other members of the All-Seeing Eye – now realizing their own stupidity – chopped this member to bits and went after Sadira and Mozenrath, who were speeding away from the valley as they spoke.

Out in the desert, the sun was beating down on both magicians.

"Do you think we can _slow down_ anytime now?" Sadira asked. Making the carpet go so fast was draining her of all her magical energy and she was starting to feel motion sick.

Mozenrath turned around to see a large group of the All-Seeing Eye cult members following them at rapid speed. Most of them were brandishing swords, "I think you should speed up,"

Sadira groaned and the carpet sped up even more. Beads of sweat were trickling down her face, but the All-Seeing Eye cult was getting closer and closer by the minute. They were getting too close for Mozenrath's comfort.

"Sadira, go faster!" Mozenrath said, a tinge of panic in his voice. Of all the things he didn't want to go through again, he didn't want to end up with the All-Seeing Eye cult.

"Hey, I'm going as fast as I _can_ right now!" Sadira growled, "Why don't you try driving for a change!"

Mozenrath paused in thought; "I've got a better idea,"

He stood up on the carpet.

"_By The Hands Of Maelun-eaur, the Wind God, I call upon the knowledge of Tuntectic, Sand Goddess…"_ Mozenrath chanted, _"…to raise up a storm!" _

The Gauntlet began to glow. The sky darkened and the wind began to blow harshly. Thunder clapped and a bolt of lightning sizzled down from the sky and struck the sand. Instantly, a tornado in the midst of the sands began to rise up from the ground. It took all of Sadira's power to not be trapped in by the swirling vortex in back of them while the All-Seeing Eye Cult were sucked in.

Finally, a huge gale of wind knocked Sadira and Mozenrath out of the air and onto the ground, with the carpet covering them. The storm continued on – raging and destroying everything in its path.

After an hour or so, the storm faded away. Nearby, a sand dune jerked and Mozenrath and Sadira surfaced, spitting out sand and shaking it from their hair. Mozenrath looked paler than usual – having such a strong spell drain him of all his magick and energy.

All Sadira could do was look at him, "…gee, _overkill_ much Mozenrath?"

* * *

_What is the All-Seeing Eye cult? Where did Mozenrath learn such a powerful spell? Will he ever get another chance to look up Sadira's skirt again? Who knows? I don't! – Zerosoul _


	12. my past

_"You! Obey the fist!"_ – Zerosoul yelling at members of her own cult

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter twelve: "my past" **a.k.a.** "(I would rather kick and scream than talk about) my past"**

Mozenrath looked at Sadira, "Natural talent, of course,"

"Natural talent my _ass_!" Sadira said, pulling more sand out of her hair, "You called down the gods to attack those guys! And they _listened_!" She paused,"…and how do you know those cult guys anyway?"

"…none of your business," Mozenrath said.

"Hey, I have some important news for you – it _is_ my business!" Sadira said. She waved her arms in the air, "You really have _no idea_ how eccentric your life really is, do you? I mean honestly – an eel thing that follows you around? You knowing about every villain in Agrabah? You talking to yourself on a _daily_ _basis_? Now this weird religious group comes along and tries to kill everyone and somehow you know them? You calling down gods to do your bidding? _That's supposed to 'add up' in my brain somehow!_ You owe a bigger explanation than you can imagine!"

A moment of silence went between the two. Mozenrath stood up and looked at her.

"My life is more complicated than you can imagine," said Mozenrath.

"Do me a favor, your majesty, and take your precious time to _enlighten_ me," answered Sadira.

Mozenrath snorted. "The All-Seeing cult," he explained, "belongs to a god named Fashir. They are his priests and priestesses and they follow his word without a challenge and I think I am their target as of now…and you,"

Sadira made a face, "Wait…you know those guys? Are you an ex-priest or something?"

Mozenrath almost gagged, "…_never_ say that again,"

Sadira threw her hands in the air, "You are such…a _drama_ _queen_!"

"Why is it that you feel the need to call me names every ten minutes!" Mozenrath yelled.

"Because they're true, damn it!" Sadira said. She jabbed a finger at Mozenrath and teased, "You're probably just some spoiled prince who's upset because your daddy didn't buy you that kingdom you wanted for your birthday!"

Sadira's teasing struck a sour note with Mozenrath on the mentioning of a father. He didn't say anything but the sky darkened around him and storm clouds began to swirl in the sky and swell with rain.

"I have no father," Mozenrath said.

Thunder clapped and for the first time in about a century or so – it rained over the entire patch of desert. Somewhere, a prophet in the village declared this a sign of the end of the world and forced his cult of stupid people to commit suicide and inadvertently, Mozenrath and Sadira had destroyed another piece of civilization on accident. Strike two for the duo.

Since there are no trees in the desert, there was nothing to hold all the sand in place, so the entire desert began a land of sloshy, goopy, squishy, and nasty mud. Sadira and Mozenrath were huddled inside of a tent, with a magical fire between them to use as lift and heat. Sadira was using the littlest bit of her magic to keep it going. Mozenrath sat on the other side of the tent with Xerxes curled around his shoulder.

"At least Mechanicles and the others were nice enough to give us some provisions," Sadira said, "With this storm going on, it'll take us longer to get to my castle," Mozenrath didn't answer. Sadira made a face, "Oh, don't tell me you're still angry about before!"

'_Of _course_ I'm still angry,' _Mozenrath thought, _'But I'm too exhausted from that spell to fight with you right now, you stupid midget,' _

"Gods, you _act_ like you're the only person in the whole gods-damned desert!" Sadira muttered. She looked at him, "Well, for your information, I didn't exactly _know_ my father either…"

Mozenrath grumbled something.

"Or my mother," Sadira added. She sighed, "Okay – I was pretty much _abandoned_. The old lady that found me was called Mad Hettie – I never bothered learning her real name – and she ran an orphanage. She told me – when I was older and I asked her about it – that she found me in the Agrabah marketplace. I was barely a toddler and there I was in a stand with a sign nearby saying…"

Sadira paused. The magical fire flickered on and off.

"…saying…_'Good riddance'_," continued Sadira, "I never figured out why it said that. Never figured out what I had been doing there in the first place. Well, I spent a few good years with Mad Hettie – well, they were _so-so_ years. The so-called orphanage was actually her house and we slept on the ground. We had to steal our food and steal money for her. Eventually I left. I always had…talent in magic and it didn't help me win any popularity contests, so I decided to strike out on my own. I spent years on the streets of Agrabah until I met Aladdin and well…rest's history, I guess,"

To Sadira surprise, Mozenrath had actually been paying attention to her. A few minutes of silence passed between them.

"You know, you're probably the most famous sorcerer around Agrabah," said Sadira, "that's still alive," She was giving another attempt to start up a conversation.

"I doubt that," Mozenrath finally said, "Jafar and Destane were far more important,"

"But they're both dead," said Sadira.

'_I'm supposed to be dead too,' _Mozenrath thought, but didn't speak it. Instead, he said, "I'm of little to no importance,"

"I don't know…_owning_ the Realm of the Black Sands is kind of a big deal," said Sadira.

"Destane owned it before me," interrupted Mozenrath.

Sadira cocked her head to the side, "Okay, Mr. Modest, I've told my story, now you have to tell me yours,"

Mozenrath made a face; "I don't exactly remember agreeing to this deal,"

"Too bad," said Sadira, "and anyway, it's a cold and rainy night and amongst more sociable people, they tell stories at scary nights like these,"

"If you are that interested, I suppose I could _humor_ you," Mozenrath said. He explained, "As you may believe, midget, I don't come from a pampered or cozy life…or existence. I maybe the Lord of Black Sands but I'm a _bastard_ as well,"

Sadira blinked.

"It _means_ I wasn't born within marriage," Mozenrath sighed.

"_Oh_," Sadira said, "continue on then,"

"Since I was born illegitimate, my mother was…cast out of her so-called society and scorned by it for having me," Mozenrath said, "So, the first thing she wanted to do was get rid of me, so she dumped me on her boyfriend…Destane,"

Sadira made a face, "…Destane was your mom's _boyfriend_?"

"…unfortunately for me," Mozenrath sighed, "Destane wasn't a father to me. He didn't know the first thing about children, or raising them for that matter. All he did was drill me into a magician until I took his power and his throne for theLand of Black Sands,"

Sadira didn't know what to say. Yes, his story was shorter than her own but there was something…missing about it. It wasn't exactly in the words but in the tone Mozenrath had spoken. There was something bitter and tragic about how he spoke about his mother and Destane. Worst of all, Sadira had read in one of her books about Destane and it only had three words to say about him: "cruel, malicious, _avoid_".

Mozenrath was sure Sadira would be horrified by the story and had been initially hoping that that it would give her bad dreams to think about his awful childhood, but instead she just quietly sat there with a strange look of…of pity on her face.

"Don't look at me like that," Mozenrath grumbled.

Sadira made a face, "Hey! Don't get all upset at me!"

Mozenrath folded his arms; "I've had enough pity in my life to last me this life and the next,"

"I've got my _own_ problems," said Sadira, "and you've got yours. Unlike _you_, I can't help it if I feel a little sorry for another human being once in a while when I find out that their life hasn't exactly been great,"

"I don't need _pity_," said Mozenrath, "it doesn't make the problems _go away_,"

"Yes…but it helps healing…_some_ wounds," Sadira said.

Mozenrath snorted, "As you saw before, _my_ wounds aren't exactly going to go away with a few nice words and sad looks,"

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you about…" said Sadira; "…you're supposed to be a great sorcerer, right? Why can't you just use an illusion to cover up the bruises?" She smiled, "I mean, I can _show_ you how–"

Mozenrath glared at her and whispered a quick spell to dispel the light.

"_Hey_!" Sadira growled, now that the both of them were in the dark.

"Go to sleep already," Mozenrath grumbled.

Sadira threw a pillow at his head.

Once again, Mozenrath was in the misty realm of his mind. He groaned as soon as the Inner Teenager dropped in.

"_I don't want to hear it," said Mozenrath, "that whole conversation with her put me in enough of a bad mood without you coming along,"_

"_What are you talking about?" asked the Inner Teenager. He was dressed for summer. He had shades, sandals, a straw hat, and some lemonade with ice, "That was _spectacular_!"_

"…_you're joking, right?" Mozenrath asked. _

"_Nope!" said the Inner Teenager, "All great relationships have to start at the bottom of the barrel and you two finally hit a common point! My nagging is starting to pay off at last!"_

"…_and that would be…?" Mozenrath said. _

"Rotten childhoods!"_ said the Inner Teenager, "Now you two can cuddle nearby the fireplace and talk about how your mom and dad both suck and maybe even get to second base in the process and then third–"_

"_I am not listening to this. I am in my happy place. I am thinking about destruction and the downfall of civilization as we know it. I am not thinking about your crude and perverted ideas…" Mozenrath muttered, covering his ears. _

"_Keep this up and our dream will be complete in no time!" said the Inner Teenager. _

"_You mean _your_ dream," said Mozenrath. _

"_Oh, you may want to wake up now. Sadira's shaking you," said the Inner Teenager. _

"_Wha–" Mozenrath began. _

"Mozenrath, wake up!" Sadira said.

Mozenrath blinked and stared at her. He rubbed his eyes. He wasn't a morning person, "Why did you wake me up?"

"Uh, nothing to be worried about exactly…but it's really strange…" Sadira said. She gestured towards the tent door, "You see, those cult guys showed up…"

"The All-Seeing Eye Cult showed up!" Mozenrath said, now fully awake.

"No, no, it's okay!" Sadira said, "Because this lizard guys showed up and started fighting them before they could come to the camp and now everything is okay. They're fighting right now,"

"Oh gods…" Mozenrath groaned. He peeked outside of the tent to see Sadira was right.

Out there in the sands were the All-Seeing Eye Cult and they were fighting the El Katib with all their vigor and energy poured into it. It was still dark outside – hours before dawn. Mozenrath groaned again and looked at Sadira.

"Apparently they wanted to surprise attack us," Sadira said.

'_Apparently Mirage and Fashir's minions are fighting each other,' _Mozenrath thought, not responding to her, _'and it appears that the El Katib are our _allies_…' _

"Let's leave now," Mozenrath suggested.

"But…but this is the only chance I'm ever going to have to see lizard-people fight cult-people!" Sadira said, pointing towards the fight.

"I hope you're aware of the fact that if the El Katib lose, we're going to _die_ if we stay around," Mozenrath added.

Sadira sighed, "I guess you're right…"

So, once again, Sadira and Mozenrath escaped the grasp of the cult by simply whizzing away on Sadira's magical flying carpet.

"That was close," Mozenrath said.

"They weren't even paying _attention_ to us," said Sadira, "They were too busy fighting those lizard–"

"El Katib," interjected Mozenrath.

"Huh?" said Sadira.

"The name of the creatures is 'El Katib'," replied Mozenrath.

Sadira narrowed her eyes at him, "And how would _you_ know this? I've never even heard of them before,"

Mozenrath didn't say anything. Sadira landed the carpet, turned around, and looked at Mozenrath.

"I'm not moving until you tell me what's going on," Sadira said.

Mozenrath looked at her; "…you're joking,"

"You're in more of a hurry than I am to get away from the cult," said Sadira, "so I have all the time in the world, unlike you,"

Mozenrath made a face. He thought of several curses to yell at Sadira, but pushed away the urge. It wouldn't do him any good and it would just make the situation worse.

"To make the tale short – I have experience with the…creator of the El Katib," said Mozenrath.

Sadira's eyes widened, "A god?"

"Entity, immortal, Supreme Being, holy spirit…pick your favorite," said Mozenrath, "and it was a _goddess_,"

"Was she pretty?" asked Sadira.

"No, she…wait, a minute, why do you care?" Mozenrath asked.

"I've never seen a goddess before," Sadira said, "I should have a right to ask,"

Mozenrath made a face, "Anyway – I spent some…time…in the Realm of Darkness with this goddess and she brought back the El Katib with some...improvements in it,"

Sadira raised an eyebrow, "Improvements?"

"Normally, the El Katib can only walk the earth for only three nights every seven years," said Mozenrath, "and they increase their numbers by humans changing into them. This new version of the El Katib can walk the earth at night as much as they please but they have to eat human flesh to sustain this ability and they breed like normal lizards,"

"They don't sound too good to me," Sadira said. The carpet hovered into the air and they were travelling again.

Mozenrath sighed, "They're not. I think you should know a Goddess of Evil is on our side,"

Sadira made a face, "You're joking!" She realized something, "Oh, wait…you _never_ joke. You're serious,"

"Hey, I do joke around but I'm not in the mood,"

Sadira laughed and teased, "If you smiled, your face would crack!"

"That's just an old wives' tale! And I _do_ smile when I feel like it!"

"You never smile. You _smirk_,"

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is that it's two different things! You 'smile' when you think happy, pure, and non-evil thoughts and you '_smirk'_ when you think evil and dirty thoughts!"

"I do not think–" Mozenrath began. He made a face, "Stop changing the subject!"

"You changed it _first_!"

Mozenrath restrained himself from choking the girl, "We should be spending our time trying to keep out of that cult's way rather than argue about trivial matters such as this. If the All-Seeing Eye cult captures us, it won't hesitate to kill,"

"Oh, blah, blah, _blah_…" Sadira sighed. The carpet was still flying over barren desert sands. She laid back on the carpet and stretched out, "We're almost to my castle. What's to _worry_ about?"

* * *

_I had writer's block. Oh so terrible blocky-writer-painy-stuff. It makes my head meats hurt to think right now. - Zerosoul_


	13. talking in circles

"_I think I broke my wookie…" – Ralph Wiggum_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter thirteen: "talking in circles"**

"You know, I think there's something about the desert air that's good for you hair," Sadira said.

"What are you prattling on about _now_?" Mozenrath sighed.

It was after sunset and coolness had settled over the desert. They were sitting around a fire outside of the tent. Mozenrath was busy brooding but Sadira was strangely talkative.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with you," Sadira answered, "Jeez, you must be the most anti-social person in _all_ of the Seven Deserts,"

"I wouldn't protest the idea," said Mozenrath.

"Neither would I," said Sadira, "I never heard of _people_ living in the Land of Black Sand,"

"Used to be," Xerxes said.

"There was an unfortunate incident and they either all died or the smarter ones ran away," said Mozenrath.

"Wonder who caused _that_…" Sadira said, with not much wonder as she looked at Mozenrath.

"It wasn't _me_!" Mozenrath protested. He held up The Gauntlet, "It was _this_!"

Sadira looked at the magical weapon, "Yeah, I've been kind of wondering why you have that thing on your hand…it looks really heavy and out of place,"

"Out of place?" Mozenrath said.

"Well, personally, you look like the kind of guy who would wear something with sequins or sparkles or maybe a little design or brand name thing but it looks kind of ugly and old…"

A silence passed between the two. Sadira poked the fire in the meantime.

"Are…" Mozenrath began, "…are…are you calling me…_gay_?"

"I didn't _say_ you were gay!" Sadira protested.

"You _implied_ it!" Mozenrath said.

"I didn't imply anything!" Sadira said, "I just looked at your clothes and deduced that you have some _fashion_ _sense_!"

"Sadira, there are only _two_ kinds of men have fashion sense," Mozenrath said, "homosexuals and fashion designers and I am _neither_!"

"What _is_ with _men_ and taking a complement about how they _look_?" Sadira groaned, "Just because you _look_ nice doesn't automatically mean you're _gay_!"

"Well, I'm not gay, if that's what you're thinking," Mozenrath answered.

"_I don't think you're gay!"_ Sadira yelled, growing frustrated, _"I just think you look good!"_

Suddenly there was no talking for either of them and a silence that was hundred more awkward than before filled the space between Mozenrath and Sadira. Now Sadira was embarrassed for a change.

'_Great, now we're _both_ embarrassed,' _Mozenrath thought. He looked at Sadira. She avoided eye contact. He realized something, _'What a minute…why am _I _embarrassed? _She's_ the one that said it!' _

'_Because you've never been complemented before and you enjoy it,' _said his pride. _'Because you have never been complemented before by a female and you enjoy it a lot,' _said his brain. _'Because you're hotter than the sun and all the women can't resist your godlike sexiness!' _screamed the endocrine system.

'_Why are my nuts talking again?' _Mozenrath thought.

"Watch out!" Sadira said. She sent a bolt of lightening towards Mozenrath's side. Mozenrath turned to see a – now well-done – scorpion lying nearby his side.

Mozenrath looked at her; "…I would have gotten it,"

"After it stung you? Probably not," Sadira said, "We don't have any medicine and there's no herbs or plants for miles, so if you got stung, there would have been a problem,"

"Insects don't bother me," Mozenrath answered.

"I'm sure, Mr. Invincible, but just in case of anything, I killed it," Sadira said. She yawned and stood up, "I'm going to bed, you can stay out here if you wanted but I'm exhausted," She crawled inside of the tent.

As soon as Sadira was gone, Mirage appeared on the other side of the fire.

"I was _wondering_ when you would start to show up," Mozenrath grumbled.

"Well, you closed your mind to me, so I can't talk to you in your dreams anymore," Mirage said.

"I already have a pest in my dreams," Mozenrath said, "and two in the waking world, so what are you doing here now? Come to collect your El Katib?"

Mirage tapped her claw on the sand, "Well, if Fashir feels he can have _his_ peons in this world, so can I," She smiled, "After all, it was you who helped improve them. Now I don't have to go looking about in Agrabah for brats when I have an entire race of loyal warriors at my side,"

"And Fashir has his cult," Mozenrath added, "that is chasing me,"

"Both of you," added Mirage.

Mozenrath narrowed his eyes at her, "You knew about this whole thing, _didn't_ you? What's going on, Mirage? What's happening to the gods?"

"What makes you say that?" asked Mirage.

"First of all, Fashir and you are tormenting me more than usual," Mozenrath said, "second of all, the El Katib and the All-Seeing Eye cult are running around and fighting each other while the both of you seem fairly interested in both Sadira and me and I want to know why,"

"If you stick around with the girl, I may just tell you why," Mirage said, with a smile. She disappeared after this.

"Cat lady gone?" Xerxes said.

"Yes, Xerxes, the annoying cat is gone," Mozenrath thought. Because Xerxes was an animal (of some sort) he could see the supernatural. _'This whole situation gives me a headache…' _Mozenrath thought. He decided to call it a night and go to sleep.

Inside of the tent, Sadira was already curled up and snoozing. Mozenrath couldn't help but stare at her.

'_She had a past as miserable as I almost did,' _Mozenrath thought, _'How can she be so happy and cheerful at times?' _

'_Because she lacks your habit of holding onto the past,' _said his brain. _'Because she's not as intelligent as you,' _said his pride. _'Because she finds you highly attractive and that makes her happy,' _said his endocrine system.

Sadira stirred awake and looked at Mozenrath, "…huh? What is it?"

Mozenrath blinked, "…uh…nothing!"

Sadira smiled and looked at him, "You were looking at me while I was sleeping, _weren't_ you?"

Mozenrath blushed, "No, I wasn't,"

"Yes, you were!" Sadira said. When Mozenrath didn't reply, she smiled even more, "Oh, why don't you _admit_ it already?"

"Admit _what_?"

"You _like_ me!"

Mozenrath flushed, "…what…_what_ did you say?"

Sadira pointed at him, "See? You're even _blushing_ about it! You _do_ like me!"

"I do _not_!"

"Then why are you blushing? You act like you've never been around a girl before!"

Mozenrath folded his arms and looked away, "It's…it's not _that_…"

"Then what is it?" Sadira asked.

"Honestly…" Mozenrath murmured, "…you make me _nervous_…"

"_Nervous_?"

"Yes, you make me very nervous,"

"Why would I make you nervous? It's not like I'm plotting to _kill_ you or something!" Mozenrath avoided eye contact with her and didn't respond. "Oh…I see. It's a _guy_ thing, isn't it?"

"No, it's not," Mozenrath said. _'Yes, it is,' _said his brain. _'Her puny brain wouldn't comprehend the way our mind works,' _said his pride. _'She has the hots for you! Quick! Think of something to say that will guarantee sex!' _said the endocrine system.

"Who knew men could be so…_wimpy_?" Sadira sighed.

"Wimpy_? Who are you calling 'wimpy'?_" demanded Mozenrath.

Sadira looked at him; "I've met school-girls that had more courage than you. The minute they saw a guy they would be all over him – not blushing and avoiding him. _You are meek_,"

"_Meek?" _Mozenrath yelled, rage growing in his voice.

Surely Sadira was going to provoke his rage but she figured – why not risk it this time around? She decided that this was the chance to see what he was really thinking and most guys (at least the ones Sadira had seen, met, and desired) by this time around would have at least dropped some sort of clue. Then again – those men were aggressive and Mozenrath wasn't.

"First, you call me 'gay' and now you're calling me 'meek'!" Mozenrath yelled, "What _is_ this? Do you _want_ me to injure you!"

"I just want to see how you feel, genius!" Sadira said.

"By _insulting_ me?" Mozenrath said.

"Who says I'm _insulting_ you? We probably wouldn't be having this conversation if you would be a little bit more _aggressive_ and stop sending me mixed signals!"

The blood rush was getting worse now. Mozenrath wondered if all the blood in his body had rushed to his face. "How am I sending you mixed signals! I think my words and actions speak loud enough to the fact that I don't like you! _I despise you! You make my life a living hell!_"

Sadira paused and folded her arms.

"Kiss me," Sadira said.

Mozenrath paused, "…w-what?"

"I said kiss me," Sadira said, "if you're not too much of a coward, you can at least kiss me,"

"No!" Mozenrath said.

"Why not? If you're not a coward, you'll kiss me, and if you really despise me like you said, you won't," said Sadira.

'_Why is it life always insists on screwing me sideways with a sharp pole?' _Mozenrath thought, _'I don't want to kiss her! I don't even find her attractive! Well, she is a little bit attractive...but _not_ to the point where I actually would kiss or touch her! Shit, she's staring at me and I can't say anything in reply…damn, where's a witty response when you actually _need_ it?'_

'_You should probably just kiss her and get it over with,' _said his brain. _'Don't lower yourself to kiss her just because she says so,' _said his pride. _'When does the se part happen?' _asked the endocrine system.

Pride was triumphant this time; "I won't kiss you just because you say so! What do you think I am? Your _puppet_?"

Sadira put her hands on her hips, "No," She rolled over and snuggled down into her bedding. "You're so _predictable_. I _knew_ you wouldn't do it. Good night, Mozenrath,"

It was dark in the tent and very quiet.

'_So he doesn't like me,' _Sadira thought, _'Oh well. It was fun teasing him though. He's probably going to hate me for the rest of his life,' _

Mozenrath had won the fight…or had he? It felt like a hollow victory to him.

'_Of course it's hollow, _idiot_,' _said his brain, _'You should have listened to me in the first place, but no – you always listen to that stupid pride of yours! A hundred and twenty-four years old and still falling for simply tricks! She's proved that you are a wuss and she's going to think that about you no matter what you may do or say and believe me – she's going to bring this whole thing up again if you start fighting. It's a weak point, buddy, and you made your own Achilles' heel,' _

'_Um…' _said his pride, _'..yeah, the brain is right. You shouldn't have listened to me. Sorry,' _

And that was the last straw.

Mozenrath had a lot of patience, a lot of tolerance, and a lot of pent-up rage but this was it. He was fed up with his talking body. He was fed up with Sadira. He was fed up with the meddling Inner Teenager, Mirage, Fashir, and anything else. He was tired of it and he wasn't going to take it anymore.

He grabbed Sadira by the arms.

"You want a kiss, I'll _give_ you a kiss!" Mozenrath said.

And before Sadira could protest or even say anything, Mozenrath planted his lips on her own. There was another moment of silence and Sadira saw something flashing outside through the thin tent walls. She separated from Mozenrath and looked towards the light.

"My gods…" Sadira breathed, "…are those fireworks?"

Mozenrath looked towards the light as well, "I…I think they are!" His heart was pounding, but he found that he wasn't blushing anymore.

"They say fireworks means love," Sadira said.

"I think it's actually a sexual connotation,"said Mozenrath. He looked again to see the dazzling and pretty lights were coming closer, "On second thought, Sadira…I think that's a magical attack coming straight for us,"

Sadira looked, "Oh sh–"

At this point, a gigantic ball of colorful fire smashed into them.

* * *

Coughing, choking, and hacking, the two of them surfaced from underneath the wreckage of what used to be their tent. Their were no serious injuries – aside from a few cuts and scrapes and Xerxes babbling incoherently for a while due to a large welt on his cranium. 

"That was close," Sadira said, spitting out sand. She looked at Mozenrath, "Thanks gods you put up that barrier or we'd be extra crispy by now,"

"It's a reflex," answered Mozenrath, shaking the dirt from his air and coughed out some of the smoke from his lungs.

"You know…you saved my life," Sadira said, with a smile.

"Yes…" Mozenrath said, "…but I'm wondering what rammed into us," He looked at the remains of the tent. It was completely obliterated and burnt away but the knapsack with provisions and the carpet were still in place.

"An attack from the cult?" Sadira asked.

Mozenrath looked around, "No, I don't see any of them nearby. If it were an attack, they would be here. It was a warning,"

"Well, we better get going," Sadira said. She pointed ahead, "I think I see my castle!"

'_Note to self: ask to take a bath,' _Mozenrath thought and the two of them headed towards the castle in the distance on the flying carpet.

* * *

_Can't speak. Reading "American Gods" because Neil Gaiman pwns my soul. – Zerosoul _


	14. what you want

_"Roses are red, _

_Violets are blue, _

_Some poems rhyme, _

_This one…doesn't." _

_– a love poem_

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter fourteen: "what you want"**

The castle seemed average enough on the outside. No signs of invasion or the All-Seeing Eye cult barging in to destroy and Mozenrath couldn't sense any danger.

"It's not as big as my castle," said Mozenrath.

"Well, not all of us can go to other sorcerer's houses and take over their throne and their power, now can we?" Sadira replied.

"Touché'," said Mozenrath, with a slight smile.

Sadira smiled at him; "You smiled!"

The smile instantly disappeared, "No, I didn't,"

Sadira playfully punched him in the arm, "You're so _full_ of yourself sometimes, you know that?"

They walked through the courtyard together. Sadira started to talk about something but Mozenrath had other thoughts in mind.

'_I'm at her castle. If I can locate a map, I can teleport back to my castle. Hopefully, Billy hasn't destroyed it. I wonder how he's faring all locked up in there…he's probably dead,' _Mozenrath thought. He realized something, _'What then? I already kissed her…I wonder what she thinks about me now. It'd be pretty bad if I just left. The Inner Teenager wanted me to have sex – and I'm already one step close to that with her, so why start from the ground-up?' _

They walked into the main hallway.

"Well, welcome to my home," Sadira said.

Mozenrath looked around. Everything was especially big – the hallways mostly. He turned to Sadira; "This place looks like it was built for a hundred people to live here,"

"Well, dragons used to live here," Sadira said, "and they had to get around the place, so that's why everything is super-sized. Unfortunately, the big lizards weren't very good with numbers and they went bankrupt and that's how I got this place. I purchased the deed at a sorcerer's market," She looked at him. "But then again – you probably knew that. You were _here_ before, remember?"

An image of Sadira's nakedness came to mind and Mozenrath made a face. "Oh…oh yes," Mozenrath said, in a very small voice.

"So what are you doing now?" Sadira asked.

"…what?" Mozenrath asked.

"I mean, you're here at my castle. You'll probably go back to your own place, _right_?" Sadira asked.

'_She's digging for answers from me,' _Mozenrath thought. He chose to give a diplomatic answer, "The All-Seeing Eye Cult is after the both of us. We should probably stay together a little longer. If we separate, they may corner the both of us,"

Sadira made a face, "…did you just make that up?"

"No. I'm actually being very serious. If you haven't noticed, they're probably still after us,"

Sadira looked at him. She was sensing part of this explanation was made up but she didn't say anything. She smiled, "So you want to _stay_ with me?"

"...uh…I…I didn't…" Mozenrath muttered. Sadira looked more and more displeased and he tried his best to speak carefully. This was becoming a tangled situation, "I don't mean that I don't want to stay with you, it's just that…I don't…"

Sadira marched up to him and looked him in the eye, "Last night you kissed me and now you don't want anything to do with me?"

"Well, I wasn't the one that wanted to kiss you in the first place!" Mozenrath said, "You forced me into it!"

"I didn't force _anything_! I didn't grab you and kiss you, now _did_ I? I went to _sleep_!"

Mozenrath didn't say anything. His back was against the wall in this conversation. He was hoping he could weasel his way out of this awkward conversation, probably by not responding and Sadira would give up on it.

This plan didn't work out though, because Sadira smacked him across the face at this point.

"_You're a weakling!"_ Sadira yelled, _"You can't even think for yourself!" _She squinted and he could see tears glistening in her eyes. "…you…_you don't know what you want_…"

His cheek was stinging, but he didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say.

"Go home," Sadira said, turning away and not even bothering to look at him, "just…just go away,"

Then she walked away from him and into the dark areas of the gigantic hallway. Mozenrath decided that at least he could obey her wishes. He concentrated and decided to take his chances teleporting out of the palace and Xerxes with him.

* * *

The Land of Black Sand was the same as usual – dark, depressing, gloomy, and wasn't going to change any time soon. Mozenrath trudged through the sand and could see the shifting shadows of Mamluks on patrol and some Mamluks that lingered within the homes – what used to once be their homes when they had been human beings and not the walking dead. 

'_Mister!'_ yelled a voice as soon as he opened the door.

"Out of my way, Billy," Mozenrath growled.

The small serpent looked at him, _'Mister, where did you go? I was here all alone! I had to eat spiders to survive!' _

"Yes, yes, that's fascinating," Mozenrath said, not truly paying attention to the child serpent spirit. He started to walk up the stairs to go take a bath but Billy wouldn't leave him alone. His footsteps echoed in the empty castle.

'_So why did you leave me here all alone, mister?' _asked Billy.

"Because you annoy me," Mozenrath answered.

'_You remind me of my mom. She says that a lot. Especially when she's done swallowing her bottle-candy,' _Billy said. He had been locked in the castle for some time and he was desperate for conversation.

Mozenrath was just answered the questions so that Billy would get out of his hair. As he did everything he needed to (take a nice long shower, brush knotted hair, think angry thoughts) Billy was by his side.

'_So where did you go, mister? Did you go on a magical quest?' _Billy asked.

"Nothing of the sort," Mozenrath answered, "I was lost in the desert for a good chunk of my time,"

'_Did you travel with anyone?' _Billy asked.

The words stung him in the worse way. He bit his lip so hard that he inadvertently drew blood without even noticing it.

"…yes…" he said in a small voice, despite wanting to strangle the serpent, "…I…I traveled with…someone…"

'_Who?' _asked Billy.

"…a woman…" answered Mozenrath.

'_Was she pretty?' _

"Yes," he admitted. The words came pouring out, "She was beautiful and all passion, all fire, all joys, all sorrows…aggressive, a powerful sorceress, and…and…" He sighed. "…gone…"

'_Gee, mister, that's really sad. It reminds me of how my dad could have married that really pretty dragon queen and he didn't and he's always sad about it and goes to drink his water out of his special glass bottle that I can never have,' _Billy said, _'Don't look, mister. At least you have this whole big castle and this entire country all by yourself with no one by your side and it's always going to be that way for the rest of time, mister,' _

Now Billy chose to wander off on his own and left Mozenrath alone. Mozenrath sat alone in silence.

"Stupid little bastard for pointing out my _faults_…" Mozenrath muttered.

"Little bastard," Xerxes chirped.

The sun was going down. Fashir appeared nearby the window. Mozenrath looked at him.

"Go away," Mozenrath growled.

"It is pleasant to see you too, Mozenrath," Fashir said, "and I am here to congratulate you on your decision. That girl would have brought ruin to you and your noble name,"

"What would a jerk like you…know about…nobility?" Mozenrath hissed. He was already getting tense from the fact that Fashir was in his presence again.

"I'm sensing you are upset again," Fashir said, "so I will make this visit quick,"

"_Go away_ then," Mozenrath said.

"Any woman would have been lucky to take your hand as your bride – you are The Lord of the Black Sand," Fashir said.

He pulled out a deck of cards from his sleeve and placed them in the air as if there were an invisible sideways table present. The cards danced in the air and Mozenrath looked at them. On each of the face of the cards were various women – all looking tempting, seductive, and powerful.

"Arachne the Bloody," Fashir said, "Belladonna Sangria. Emeraude the Temptress. Fadilah the Viper. Ghadah the Enchantress. Hadiyyah la Loveless. Ophelia Harloch. All powerful sorceress and all beautiful. They know of you. They desire you. They look for you. They write poems and love letters for you. They'll submit and be yours. Give up on the girl. She is a street rat, a peasant, and unclean and unkempt girl of the street. These are noble ladies and _worthy_ of you – desperate desert flowers waiting to be nourished by your liquid love,"

Mozenrath stood up and studied one of the cards. He glared at Fashir and with a smile – quickly lit it on fire. The card burnt and crumpled in his hand.

"Fuck you, Fashir," Mozenrath said, "I don't know what your angle is, but I'm not falling for it," He looked at the blinded god, "I will give you the benefit of the doubt - Sadira is not like these women. Sheis not polite...or kind. Or polished. Or lady-like. Or gentle. Or nice. Or adorable. Or sugary sweet. Or…I digress.

"Sadira is an abandoned girl. She's lived on the streets. She curses, she yells, she screams, she bites, she kicks, she scratches, she hits, and she's childish. She infuriates me. She irritates me. She calls me names; she teases me, and frustrates me all the same. I can't stand to be around her. We fight all the time.

"But she's never know a father or a mother's love. Neither have I. She practices the forbidden dark arts. So do I. We both hate the hero of Agrabah and all of the Seven Deserts. So do I.

"…we are…we are misfits. We are evil in our own ways. I'm too afraid to admit I love herand I push her away. She's too aggressive and pushes me away,"

Mozenrath – for the first time in what seemed in a hundred years – began to actually laugh, "We're a match made in Hell, Fashir, and I'm afraid you're too late to steer me away because…_because I love that annoying midget_,"

Fashir could say nothing. He had no eyes to see it but he could sense Mozenrath had been his happiest than he ever was.

"I'm afraid that I must tear you two apart," Fashir said.

Mozenrath smiled, "Who ever said…love was easy? I have to go and apologize. She's going to kill me,"

Fashir had the ugliest demonic looking snarl ever on his face and it actually sent a chill down Mozenrath's spine. It was something he expected more from a devil than from the god of light. The god angrily teleported out of the room.

"What now?" Xerxes asked.

"Xerxes, go get Billy and come back here," Mozenrath said. Gears were rolling around in his head; "I have something I need you to do…"

* * *

The castle was in complete disarray when he got there. Parts of it were set on fire and the brick had been tossed aside like it was nothing. There had obviously been some sort of fight. Mozenrath looked in the sands to see numerous footprints. 

'_The cult,' _Mozenrath thought, _'Fashir…you _bastard_,' _

He teleported inside of the castle. Part of the columns had been knocked away and scratched. Tapestries that hung on the wall were in tatters.

"Sadira!" Mozenrath yelled, "Sadira! _Sadira_!"

There was no reply. He teleported again to the hallway that led to that room where he fell through the floor.

"Sadira!" Mozenrath called.

As soon as he opened his mouth, several members of the cult walked through the walls and into the hallway, brandishing swords. Mozenrath chanted a quick fireball spell and knocked them back but more were coming. The hardest problem of fighting the cult was that the more he seemed to toss away, the more they came back and even faster. Eventually, he found himself desperately running through the castle, calling her name.

A yell and a stream of curses that would make a drunkard blush came from a higher tower.

"Sadira!" Mozenrath gasped. The cult was approaching fast. His only exit was a window. He ran towards it chanting, _"I Invoke The Myriads of Lictemu, by the mysteries of Laputa – Aero!"_

He jumped out of the window and instantly began to hover in the air. He flew down and latched onto the stone walls of the tower.

"_I call upon the Goddess Arachne to bless me!" _Mozenrath chanted. Instantly, his hands began to stick to the walls like a spider and he crawled up the tower side. He kept reminding himself to not look down as he scaled the wall. Finally, he reached a window. He peered through the glass.

Inside were two people dressed as members of the cult inside of a summoning room (complete with candleholders, potions, and powder). One was a large burly man with a broken nose and another was a masculine-looking woman with a patch over her eye. She was tying up Sadira and putting a gag over her mouth.

"Stupid bitch _bit_ me!" the woman cursed, rubbing her swore hand as she finished tying Sadira. Sadira tossed and turned and muttered several insults about her kidnapper's mothers, grandmothers, and ancestors through the gag.

"Twist all you like sweetheart," chuckled the man, "those are magical bonds,"

Mozenrath took a deep breath and crashed through the window. The man and the woman ducked and looked at him.

"Who the hell are _you_?" said the woman.

Mozenrath chose to answer her by flooding the room with fireballs in their general direction. The woman was knocked back, her skin extra crispy from the magical onslaught.

"I hope that answers your question," said Mozenrath.

The man attacked Mozenrath with his oversized sword. Mozenrath ducked away and the fight began. With each jab the man made, Mozenrath moved away and back from him. He sent several magical attacks at the huge man, but his mass of muscle seemed to absorb it. Finally, the man sent a lightning quick jab and struck Mozenrath's old wound from before. The wound opened up and started to bleed again. Mozenrath moaned a curse.

"Time to die," said the man with a nasty smile.

"I would say the same for you,"

Sadira instantly knocked the man over the head with an iron candleholder. The man bit on his tongue and fell on the ground unconscious.

"How'd you get lose?" Mozenrath gasped.

Sadira held the ropes; "Magical ropes. All you have to do is untie them the regular way. It's not brain surgery, Mozenrath,"

Mozenrath stood up; "We have to get out of here. All hell is going to break loose if we stay,"

"What? I think you're forgetting this is _my_ castle! I paid for it!" Sadira said.

Mozenrath made a face, "Sadira, I think you need to look outside,"

Sadira looked towards the window to see the cult members lounging in the courtyard. Then, over the horizon, came a huge army of El Kasib and Mamluks, led by none other than Billy and Xerxes.

"I hope you didn't think I would come _alone_," Mozenrath asked.

"Well…castles are overrated," Sadira sighed. _'After this battle is over, it'll probably be ruined anyway and I doubt my insurance covers climatic zombies and lizards versus brainwashed warrior battles,' _she thought.

The room rocked with force from below. Mozenrath looked down the side to see the cult members were trying to ram their way in at the bottom of the tower.

"We have to leave…_now_!" Mozenrath said.

"If we have to make a dramatic exit…" Sadira said, as she walked over to her cabinet of potions. She picked up a blue powder mix, "…why not leave in _style_?"

* * *

The cult members rushed up the stairs and busted open the door. There were two huddled lumps on the bed. One of them snickered. 

"Hey, you two!" he said, yanking the cover away, "This isn't a time for–"

He realized that the cover revealed lumps of powder in the shape of two bodies' that was supposed to be Sadira and Mozenrath. On one of them was clearly written in Sadira's handwriting.

"You…guys…are…idiots…" sounded out the leader cult member.

* * *

Sadira and Mozenrath were flying away on a bedsheet with Xerxes and Billy nearby. 

"When do you think that powder will explode?" Sadira asked.

There was a loud boom in the distance and a mushroom shaped cloud rose up from the remains of Sadira's castle. The two of them landed on a sand-dune, sat back, and watched like two teens on a Fourth of July picnic, whose eyes were glazed over from staring at the blaring fireworks.

"You're castle's gone though," Mozenrath said.

Sadira shrugged, "It wasn't a big loss. I didn't pay that much since the dragons went bankrupt and it was too big anyway,"

Mozenrath looked at her, "But what about your spells and your magic and your scrolls?"

Sadira pointed to her head; "It's all in here. But I'm worried about the other powders in the room…"

Several more explosions and screams of pain followed this.

"Oh," Sadira said. She stretched and stood up, "well…see you,"

Mozenrath stood up and looked at her, _"'See you'?"_

Sadira looked at him, "Yeah, 'bye. I'm heading out on my own,"

Mozenrath grabbed her by the sleeve, "Sadira – do you honestly think that I came all the way out here just for _myself_?" Sadira shrugged. Mozenrath made a face, "I came out here for you, _idiot_! I came here because I knew you would be I trouble!"

Sadira put her hands on her hips, "So? Just because you come to rescue me, doesn't mean anything. Get with the times,"

"'_Get with the times'?_ I saved your miserable little _life_! If it wasn't for me, you'd probably be dead!" Mozenrath yelled.

"I was handling it!" Sadira answered.

"No, you weren't!" Mozenrath said.

"Of course I was," Sadira said, "You interrupted my plan,"

"Why, you arrogant little–" Mozenrath began to yell. He suddenly stopped himself. He smiled at Sadira and finally kissed her. He sighed, "You are driving me _insane_, Sadira, but I love you anyway,"

Sadira was speechless.

"Come live with me," Mozenrath said.

"Okay," Sadira gasped. How could she refuse him?

Another spectacular explosion filled the air and they kissed again in an overly dramatic effect only seen in what modern day people would call "in 80s teen flicks". Nearby, Xerxes and Billy squirmed uncomfortably.

'_So…'_ Billy said to Xerxes, looking away at Mozenrath and Sadira, _'…how about those El Kasib?'_

* * *

"_Roses are gray, _

_violets are gray, _

_I'm dead and colorblind," _

_– another love poem_


	15. those aren't my zombies!

_This chapter of _All's Fair in Love and Sorcery_ was written in front of a live studio audience that had me beaten with red herring if I made a grammatical error. – Zero _

* * *

**All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter sixteen: **

"**those aren't my zombies!" **

**OR**

"**night or day of the living dead who aren't mine" **

So the Land of Black Sand wasn't _exactly_ the happiest place on Earth – it was dark all the time, grim, there were dead guys shambling around and ghosts and other nasties that went bump in the night used it as a nesting ground – but Sadira always worked with what she had. Better someplace than nothing after all, right?

'_Lady, if you and Mr. Mozenrath live together does that mean you're married?' _asked Billy.

"For the _last_ time – no, Billy!" Sadira said. She was currently facing a door and about to go inside, "And be quiet. I don't want Mozenrath to know I'm here. He's so uptight about me touching things after what happened last time."

'_My Mommy said that if people live together and they're not married, then they're living in sin.' _said Billy.

"Billy, we've been over this – your mother is a very ignorant person." said Sadira, pushing open the door.

Unlike everything else in the castle, the room was very small. The only thing in there was a table covered with dusty old grimoires and scrolls and gods know what else. Pushed in the corner was a small bed that even an starving orphan would snub. The room was covered with dust, showing it hadn't been used in years. Sadira stepped over to the table and scanned to see if there was anything of use.

'What is all this stuff?' asks Billy. 

"Beginner spells mostly. I could do these in my sleep." replied Sadira, disappointed. She pushed aside some scrolls and found a thick, small book with a silver lock on it. "Hello…what do we have _here_?"

'_It looks like a diary.' _said Billy.

"That's silly. Why would Mozenrath keep his diary in such an open place?" said Sadira, "Anyone could have found this."

Diaries or journals kept by sorcerers usually included spells and secrets and were kept locked and hidden away. Why was this little item left buried and neglected like everything else in this room? She touched the latch and felt a slight burn and smirked: someone a long time ago had laid a protection seal on it but it was done poorly. She could disarm it within a few minutes.

"What are you doing?" Mozenrath asked.

Sadira nearly jumped two feet in the air. She looked at him. "How did you–" she said.

"Teleportation spell," Mozenrath said, "but that's not important. What I want to know is what you're doing."

"Nothing…" Sadira said, hiding the book behind her back.

"Don't lie to me."

"What's this room for?"

Mozenrath paused and paled. He quickly left the room muttering, "…I don't know."

Sadira was left standing alone in the room. She followed him into the hallway.

"It seemed like you know what that room is for." Sadira said.

"It has nothing to do with you." he replied.

Sadira, being more nosey than usual, continued prodding and asking about the room to which Mozenrath gave the following replies "It has nothing to do with you", "It doesn't concern you.", "It's none of your business." and finally "Shut up about the room already and leave me the hell alone!".

When this was said and done, Mozenrath returned to his study to brood as he had been doing for the past two days. The topic about his discussion with Mirage (who, along with Fashir, were popping up now and again in his life for unexplained). It drove him nearly insane to think that those two were involved in some sort of conspiracy against him or worst and it was mind-numbing to try and think of what they were up to.

"Hello! Mozey! Earth to Mozey!" Sadira yelled into his ear, _"SNAP OUT OF IT!" _

"_What?"_ asked Mozenrath, returning to reality.

"I want to go out." Sadira said.

"Why?" asked Mozenrath.

"Why?" said Sadira. "This place is boring as bathwater, that's why!"

"There's not exactly anywhere to _go_." said Mozenrath, "If you haven't noticed, most things are dead or dying in this place."

"Then let's go somewhere else." Sadira said, "I'm going to tear my hair out if I have to stay here any longer."

"Were you _always_ this _demanding_ or did it happen over the period of time I was around you?"

"I don't know – were you always this _miserable_ or did you become slightly more cranky over time?" she replied. She tugged at his cloak, "Come on! You've been inside for way too long! You need sunlight!"

"There's no sunlight here to begin with!"

And so began a very long argument which many authors called 'filler', which is often used when the author has bad writer's block and can only write insults for a long period of time to distract the reader from the fact that nothing is really happening. In the end, Sadira threatened to hide Mozenrath's hair shampoo and this prompted him to join his housemate in her quest to "go out". However, the task of "going out" proved difficult because choosing somewhere to go was as complicated as trying to teach a cat to play fetch.

"Let's go to Yluy! They have a café!" Sadira would suggest.

"I refuse to spend five times the amount for food that's not even high quality." Mozenrath would answer.

"Let's go to Kri-cti! They've got a circus!" Sadira would suggest.

"I hate loud noise, animals, and people." Mozenrath would answer.

"Let's go to…" And so on and so on until Sadira finally reached the end of her rope.

"What about the Fifth Desert? I heard they had a nice marketplace."

Mozenrath was at the end of his rope as well, considering how he had run out of things to hate about where Sadira suggested.

"Fine." he sighed.

* * *

Once again, Xerxes and Billy watched their masters leave them alone in the large castle to do absolutely nothing. So Billy and Xerxes did their normal routine: which was sit around and wait for them to return. 

'_I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored…' _grumbled Billy.

"Xerxes bored too." replied Xerxes. Suddenly, Xerxes felt a very strange feeling in his head. It was a headache, except it wasn't as painful or distracting, which is often called an "idea". "What does Master Mozenrath _do_ when _he's_ bored?"

Billy thought hard. _'…Sadira?' _he asked.

Billy wasn't thinking hard enough.

"He casts a spell!"

'_Are we allowed to do that?' _asked Billy.

"Of course!" said Xerxes, not really knowing the truth to the question.

He flew off and Billy followed him. Being around Mozenrath all the time, Xerxes knew where all the spell books, grimoires, and potions were kept. In no time, Xerxes had found an interesting spell in a book made from bones (which would have told any person with common sense that it was bad but Xerxes and Billy lacked common sense and also they were not people).

"What does it say?" asked Xerxes, who was mostly illiterate.

'_Let's see.' _said Billy as he scanned the page, _'…um…let's see 'Summoning the Dead from the Seventh Ring of Hell: It's easy as 1-2-3.' Sounds like fun!' _

Unknown to both Billy and Xerxes, they had stumbled upon Mozenrath's old spell book from when he was just learning the tricks of the trade. Despite this purposely being a spell for children who would one day become necromancers and voodoo priests, it took the both of them twice as long.

While they were concocting a spell, Sadira admired a blue-green liquid in a bottle. Mozenrath stood at least several feet away, looking at nothing in particular. The market was crowded today. All sorts of people were selling and buying from kiosks, blankets, and tents.

"You figure that when you have a woman living in your house, you would at least keep an eye on her." said Mirage, appearing out of the shadows next to him.

"Not _you_ again." grumbled Mozenrath, "Would you leave? I don't want people to think I'm talking to myself in public again."

"Mozey, why are you talking to yourself in public again?" asked Sadira.

Mozenrath mentally cursed Mirage and turned to Sadira. "I was just….deciding over…what to get you." Mozenrath lied.

"Aw, isn't that cute? She calls you _Mozey_." teased Mirage, still unseen and unheard by Sadira.

"Shut up!" said Mozenrath.

"I didn't even say anything!" huffed Sadira.

"No, not _you_!" said Mozenrath.

"Then who?" asked Sadira.

Unable to think of a convincing lie, he changed the subject. "Why do you keep calling me Mozey?"

"Your name is long and saying 'Mozey' is easier." replied Sadira. She asked, "Mozey, can I ask you something?"

"She's right, you know." Mirage said, "Sometimes I wish I had given you a much shorter name, but I always wanted my kitten to have a 'rath' in their name."

"What is it?" groaned Mozenrath.

"Will you please, _please_, please…" begged Sadira, "…tell me what our relationship is?"

Mozenrath blinked. _"What?"_

"Well, are we friends or not? Most people who live together are dating but you can't even stand me for ten minuets."

"Five minuets."

"What?"

"Nothing."

There was a long pause after this.

"So are you going to answer my question or not?" demanded Sadira.

"The girl wants an answer. Better tell her what she wants to know." said Mirage.

"Listen you," said Mozenrath, half-speaking to Mirage, "the only reason why I let you into my castle is because I felt sorry that your house blew up. If you haven't noticed or heard, _I'm_ the _Lord_ of the _Black_ _Sand_. I can't be _friends_ with people – it's _beneath_ me! Do you know having friends is the equivalent of having a demon own kittens?"

"Your point?" asked Sadira, folding her arms.

"It's not happening. At most, we're roommates." said Mozenrath.

"Wonderful way to hurt her feelings, kitten." said Mirage.

Unfortunately, Sadira was not the crying type of woman when her feelings were hurt. She was the scream, pull hair, bleach your clothes in the laundry, key your car type when her feelings were hurt.

"That's such a _load_!" said Sadira, "If what you said was _true_ you wouldn't have even _bothered_ with me because I've heard and seen how you treat everybody else and you _notice_ something? There _is_ nobody else! _I'm_ the only one around you!"

"Ouch. She really dug into you that time." said Mirage.

"That's not true." lied Mozenrath. He folded his arms and tried to look proud with the few shreds of pride left after Sadira tore into him, "I have Xerxes."

"Oh. _Yeah_. _Xerxes_. I'm sure he's _wonderful_." said Sadira deadpan. She smirked, "I bet you've never even gone on a _date_."

Mozenrath could feel the words pierce him like a sword. _'Ow.' _said his pride.

"She is right, you know," said Mirage, "You are the hundred-year-old virgin."

"_Oh, shut up already!"_ said Mozenrath to Mirage. When he remember Sadira could not see or hear the evil entity he said to her, "As if you have any right to say the same? Didn't you used to be obsessed with Aladdin?"

Sadira blushed. "That was a long time ago!" she yelled, flustered.

"Did he _even_ like you?" asked Mozenrath, smirking, "Or were you too ugly then?"

The snide remark backfired when tears formed in Sadira's eyes and she ran away crying. Mozenrath was left fuming.

"_OH! OH_! So it's _perfectly_ alright when _you_ make fun of _me_," yelled Mozenrath, "but when _I_ make fun of _you_, _you_ start _crying_!"

"Aren't you sweet? Why didn't you just stab her in the heart?" snorted Mirage.

"I didn't set out today to make her _cry_!" said Mozenrath. He rubbed his temples, he could feel a headache coming on. "When did my life become so complicated? It was all so simple until _you_ kept popping up! And why is it you _only_ show up when I don't want you around? I asked for you when I was a kid and you never showed up _once_!"

Mirage was focused on something else. "I think you should go get her and be on your way.

Unless my ears are mistaken," said Mirage, "the All-Seeing Eye Cult is on their way here."

Having to deal with two problems at once was not Mozenrath's area of expertise. To tell the truth, he was more used to causing two problems at once than solving them. Here Mirage was warning him about the cult but here Sadira was off crying in some undisclosed location.

He was starting to develop the theory that his current life was punishment for all his misdeeds in the past. He cursed and grumbled as he scoured the marketplace for the girl.

* * *

'_Alright!'_ said Billy, _'We have goat's intestine, sulfur, fresh lamb blood, candles made from human fat…' _He checked the spell book. _'I think that's it! No, wait…there's one more thing – a personal possession of one of the deceased to keep the gate open to allow them time on this mortal plain.' _He looked at Xerxes. _'Who do we know that's dead?' _

Xerxes thought hard.

"Xerxes know!" said Xerxes, "Mozenrath old master dead! He dead for long time now!"

'_We need something of his then.' _Billy said.

"Xerxes know where!" said Xerxes.

Lingering around Mozenrath all day and being considered a useless ugly eel-thing allowed Xerxes to know the location of certain objects. Xerxes moved through the castle to Mozenrath's private library and returned to the room with a thick grimoire inscribed with runes written in blood and other ominous liquids.

"This belong to old master." said Xerxes, "His old book. He read from it always."

'_Okay, so we have everything. Gee wiz, I can't wait to talk to dead people!' _said Billy, pushing the grimoire to the center of the magical pentagram.

'_Forces of Darkness rise from beneath, hearken to my call, rise up the rings of Hell, one and all!' _chanted Billy.

Thunder roared over distant hills. Lightning raked across the sky.

Nothing happened.

"Oh! Xerxes forget to light the candles!" said Xerxes.

After lighting the candles, a gale of dark mist rose from the pentagram. Sparks shot from the floor as a dark miasma filled the room. A thousand lost souls rose from a black hole that grew in the center of the room and swelled every passing second. Xerxes and Billy rushed out, frightened at the sound and fury, and hid under Mozenrath's bed.

A skeleton lurched out of the hole; its bones had been blackened by eternal smoke and flame. The miasma swirled around it. The skeleton looked around, a little curious.

"My old study…" said the skeleton, it's jaw clicking with every word, "…changed a little bit…more books…" The skeleton saw the grimoire lying nearby and picked it up. "My old grimoire! Hasn't been used for a long time now…"

* * *

The skeleton walked over to a window and gazed out at the Land of Black Sand. 

"My old kingdom. How I have missed you." cackled the skeleton, "Don't worry, Black Sand, darling. I have returned…"

After a half hour of searching, Mozenrath located Sadira squatting next to an abandoned caravan, wiping away at red and irritated eyes.

"Stop crying and come on!" Mozenrath said, grabbing her arm, "The cult's nearby!"

"Let _go_ of me!" said Sadira, taking her arm back.

Mozenrath rolled his eyes, "Gods, are you _still_ upset?" Sadira sniffled. He sighed, "Sadira, this isn't the time for you to be angry at me. We have plenty of time for that at the castle."

Sadira turned her back to him. In the distance, something crashed. People ran in a panic. Mozenrath cursed – this couldn't have happened at then worst time. Sadira seemed to be ignoring the chaos.

There was only way to get out of this…

"…Sadira…" sighed Mozenrath, "…I…"

His pride wanted to sob like a child at the very idea of what he was doing but it had to be done. Behind him, things were starting to burn. It was only a matter of time before the cult found them.

"…I…am…" he said. He choked. Sadira glanced at him, "….so…so…sor…"

Sadira looked at him. Her eyes were large and full of tears.

"I shouldn't have said what I said, let's get out here before the cult realizes where we are." Mozenrath managed to say in one breath.

"You _really_ _mean_ that?" she asked, eyes growing larger.

"_Yes_, now can we _go_?" asked Mozenrath.

"_Oh_, _Mozey_!" Sadira said. She hugged him tight.

The feeling of Sadira pressed against him made his body rigid. His mind was racing: _'Touching. Touching. Touching. Fireball.' _

"GET DOWN!" yelled Mozenrath, falling onto the ground as a fireball flew over their head.

"Get _off_ of me!" Sadira said, crushed under him.

Mozenrath got up from the ground, grabbed Sadira, and ran to the other end of the marketplace. Cultists came pouring inside, chanting the words of their god and demanding blood as people fled.

"Let's leave." decided Sadira.

"I've wanted to do that for the past thirty minutes now!" Mozenrath yelled, "Now stay close to me so I can teleport us back home!"

He summons a mass of dark fire and it encircles them but after a few minuets it dissipates. Mozenrath tries again but once again the fire disappears before the spell can activate.

"What's wrong?" asked Sadira, her fear bordering on panic with the increased chaos around them.

"I don't know." admitted Mozenrath, "There must be a barrier around the castle."

"Meaning…?" asked Sadira.

"We can't teleport."

"We're _doomed_!"

"No, we're not." He looked around, "Can't you find a carpet or something we can fly away on?"

Sadira dodged another fireball as Mozenrath moved away as an energy beam spiraled toward them. The Cultists had burnt most of the market and scared away all of the people who possibly had carpets.

"There's no carpets – there's not even a very large quilt!" said Sadira.

Mozenrath paused. "We're doomed." he admitted.

While running around in a panic and simultaneously running away from the All-Seeing Eye Cult, Sadira spied a large wooden object, parts of it have been charred away but most of it is still in good condition. She hops inside and chants, pressing the rims of the object: "_By the Silver Spheres of Pasumo, grant me this one plee, give this vessel wings!_"

"Mozey! Over here!" called Sadira, turning from the canoe.

Mozenrath ran over to Sadira and looked at her. "…Sadira, _what_ are you doing in a canoe?" he asked.

The canoe trembled and hovered into the air. Sadira smiled. "What does it look like? she asked. When Mozenrath didn't reply she sighed, "This is our escape, now jump in! My magic doesn't last as long as yours!"

Mozenrath jumped inside of the canoe and it floated downward briefly and then moved forward at Sadira's beckoning. The Cultists followed them out of the market and onto the sand dunes.

"They're still after us!" Sadira yelled.

"I've got an idea." said Mozenrath. He grabbed the sides of the canoe and chanted, "_I invoke the Cloak of Yiponet, calling it unto me to do my bidding!_"

A wave of rainbow lights ran over the sides of the canoe and over them. Slowly, the canoe vanished into thin air under the cloak of invisibility. The Cultists continued to chase them until they realized they were gone and decided to regroup.

"Thank the gods – they're leaving." said Sadira. She looked at Mozenrath, who was sitting in back of her, "Why didn't you do that from before when they first entered the market?"

Mozenrath leaned back onto the canoe, frowning. "I didn't think of it but that's not the problem here." said Mozenrath, "I couldn't teleport to the Land of Black Sand and I've done it a thousand times before."

Sadira looked at him.

"Something's wrong." he said, looking at her, "Something is _very_ wrong." He leaned forward, "How far are we from the castle?"

Sadira shrugged, "I don't know…maybe half a day."

Mozenrath laid back in the canoe, brooding over something he wouldn't discuss with her.

* * *

Travelling in a flying canoe for hours on end was wearing on Sadira's nerves. There was sand in her hair and in the folds of her clothes. When she saw the sky was darkening around them along with the ground, she woke up Mozenrath (who had dozed off). Mozenrath, usually grumpy when awakened, looked around with a look of mute shock. 

"What's going on?" asked Mozenrath.

In the now ancient streets of the empty and now nameless city in The Land of Black Sand, mamluks were shuffling about by the hundred. From the castle, a dark spiral curves from it. Mozenrath and Sadira shudder, feeling the dark energy emanate from the palace in waves.

"Looks like someone's building an army." said Sadira.

"Mamluks!" ordered Mozenrath, "Return to the castle at once!"

The mamluks continued moving, not even glancing at Mozenrath.

Mozenrath growled, "Mamluks! Obey me at once!"

The mamluks continued their march to the edge of the land.

"They're…they're not _listening_ to me." gasped Mozenrath.

"Maybe they're striking?" suggested Sadira.

"This is serious, Sadira!" yelled Mozenrath, paling, "There's only one other person who can control the mamluks but…" He shook his head. "No. It's impossible."

"What's impossible?" asked Sadira.

"It doesn't matter." replied Mozenrath, quickly, "Take us to the castle."

"What are you hiding?" demanded Sadira as the canoe hovered forward.

Mozenrath stubbornly folded his arms and refused to reply. The canoe rammed into an invisible field and crackled like a moth in a flame. Mozenrath and Sadira tumbled from the sky and crashed onto the ground. Mamluks rushed around them, holding daggers to their throats. Mozenrath looked at the mamluks to see a large glowing symbol tattooed into their foreheads.

"_Destane_." breathed Mozenrath, the blood draining from his face.

"In the flesh, boy!" called a voice from above.


End file.
